Dan

Bit tired from first baseball training session of the year last night

When I was a little kid, I used to pray for a bicycle. Then, as I grew older, I learned that’s not how prayer works. So, I stole a bike… and prayed for forgiveness

If a king sleeps on a king bed, and a queen sleeps on a queen bed. What does a prince sleep on? An heir bed.

Had a blast with a massive Super Bowl party yesterday! Good drinks , food and most of all great company.

Did you hear the machine at the coin mint factory suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It just doesn’t make any cents.

Shower beers taste better. It’s science.

I always thought orthopedic shoes were overrated. But I stand corrected.

Still surreal to have the Cyclones Players Player of the Year named after me. Especially with the amazing humans that have won the award. Congrats Neil , well deserved

I told my doctor I kept hearing this buzzing sound. She said it’s just a bug that’s going around.

I took someone else’s drink at the cafe yesterday, but I couldn’t finish it. It just wasn’t my cup of tea.

You know you are getting old when you start to get excited about cleaning products

Apparently, keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain. Must be all the indoor fins.

Happy hump day 🍑, or lower back depending on how bad you are at it.

Mine is self reflective- my Hevy app says I didn’t work my lower back much today. My back begs to differ

Every exercise is a lower back exercise when you do it wrong

What’s a coffee’s favorite workout?
The French press.

Wait is my hell a church ???

My hell would be a confined place full of screaming kids who aren’t your own and you can’t escape. There’s no alcohol or sports and the only other people around you lack critical thinking

Everybody loves parfait

Layers like an onion

I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.

Why is it that I can remember the words to a song I haven’t heard in a decade yet can’t remember why I walked into a room?

Lil morning jog in a beautiful part of the world

Rule no. 8598643 for happiness

Ignore your problems just the way you ignored these numbers.

I was gunna tell you all a joke about a girl who only eats plants. But you probably never heard of herbivore.

I concur

This is adulting. Every day

People would be dying to not see this.