Me and four other guys just got super pissed at Jackie Chan. We are going to all kick him at once
(As the concession man grips a revolver under the counter) “And just a drizzle of olive oil for me”
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Old ass baby
#KillForZohran
Bernie Sanders going on Tim Dillon just shows there is no politician immune to the gravitational pull of a fat red pedophile
Two ships in the night
Furuous beyond belief.
We need more bitterness on Bluesky. More evil. A land of anguish
It’s good people aren’t trying too hard to be funny over here. Wouldn’t want things to accidentally get interesting
Hendrix died doing what he loved: trying to swallow a guitar
The new apprentice has no respect for sorcery fundamentals. “What are we preparing today, Great Wizard? Another poultice?” I wish ill upon him daily
Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster
[Sweeping shot of a guy who was bitten clean in half]
Sci fi coroner: Whatever did this…wasn’t human
Finally, a Cormac McCarthy story we can all actually relate to.
Watching the light leave a victim’s eyes can be so hard on empaths
Son, you’ve hardly touched your piece of poop. Could you at least drink a glass of pee before bed?
Sometimes I like to prank my butler with beef wellington
Encountering a lot of toxicity on here, wondering if it’s the lack of strength in numbers. Anybody know of a bigger app we could move to?
I wanted to write a book under the pen name Maxwell Aubergine recently thanks to a briefly sub-80 IQ
Every place of business should have saloon doors
Instant oatmeal time for the boss man
Hungry as fuhhh #NeedMeThatFood
If I ran a Truman Show style simulation I would give the guy up to thirty new rashes per day
I love killing people
Forgot to code switch with my weasel friend and now he’s telling everyone I talk like a vole
