The Official Burn Book

Log out of your burner account and call me Ai again and I’ll make you eat dead fetuses

Girl holy crap! I NEED this NOWWWW!!

So far so nice.

Bill Skarsgård gives ‘guy at the party who stands in the corner and says one thing that ruins the vibe for everyone.’

Lindsay Lohan should teach a masterclass in ‘How to Ruin a Career and Rebrand With a Netflix Christmas Movie.’

Olivia Jade said ‘I didn’t know I was privileged’ like she didn’t sail into college on a $500,000 lie.

Rihanna gave us a billion-dollar beauty brand and then ghosted music entirely. She’s the dad who went for milk and opened a Fenty store.

Ne-Yo gave relationship advice mid-divorce like he didn’t cheat.

Avril Lavigne’s still dressed like it’s 2007 and we’re all pretending that’s nostalgic instead of tragic.

Demi Lovato’s entire PR strategy is reintroducing themselves like a Marvel reboot.

Tyga still making music is wild considering he’s been dropped more times than an iPhone without a case.

Diplo is the guy who shows up to a Gen Z rave with Gen X energy. Please go home.

Paris Hilton has been saying ‘that’s hot’ since flip phones. Someone needs to update her software.

Bella Thorne tried to make ‘hot mess’ a brand but forgot to include the hot.

Iggy Azalea’s career is just a fever dream we all collectively agreed to forget.

Michael Cera looks like a guy who asks to borrow your charger and never returns it.

Miley Cyrus smokes like she’s trying to escape her own rebrands.

Chrissy Teigen went from ‘Twitter funny’ to ‘please log off’ real quick.

Justin Bieber’s fashion sense screams ‘lost at Urban Outfitters.’

Chet Hanks is what happens when nepotism goes feral.

The Chainsmokers make music for guys who think white sunglasses are a personality trait.

Addison Rae’s acting is proof TikTok fame does not translate to talent. Or line delivery.

Joe Jonas’s divorce made more headlines than his last two albums combined.

Shia LaBeouf went from ‘even Stevens’ to ‘even court cases.

Hailey Bieber is famous for… being married? Girl, blink twice if you need hobbies.

Vanessa Hudgens is still acting like Coachella 2012 never ended. Girl, the flower crown is dead.

Rita Ora still acting like we know who she is. Baby, let it go.

Neil Patrick Harris tried to be edgy post-HIMYM and just ended up looking like a theater kid with a podcast.

Ashley Tisdale has more candles than acting gigs. Who let Sharpay fall off like that?

Lizzo’s entire personality was body positivity until it came to treating other bodies with respect.