For Sale: Baby shoes. Never worn. (Baby is dead.)

And yet you two were never seen in the same place the same time. Also very interesting, if you ask me.

What solving the Lament Configuration and experiencing the sublime nexus of agony and ecstasy at the hands of dimension-faring Cenobite priests taught me about B2B sales [read on LinkedIn]

Duke and Cornbread beg to differ

From Twitter's Belle Époque, the era that also brought us Eli "Eggman" Lake and Dirt Bikenwald.

* - pun deliciously intended

A sign from the Universe for me to finally make my long-gestating*, modern take on 1983's "Christine."

Coming summer 2026.... "Fieri."

This reminds me of my friend Ryan Tucksmedicatedpads.

I've had younger friends very matter-of-factly tell me that Obama could have gotten the public option in Obamacare if he had simply made Joe Lieberman vote for it (via Greco-Roman wrestling on the Senate floor, I assume) or, failing that, had simply dissolved Congress.

[Within the first week, the pics would reveal that I put packing tape over the little, already-rusted "H" to keep it from falling off again]

[imagining me acquiring one, somehow, and sending you pics of me just shoving my random shit in it, chucking it in my car's filthy backseat, and later putting it on cafe chairs so I can put my feet up without getting the chairs dirty, etc.]

What if they procreated? Omg

Donate to Lend a Hand to Greg During Job Search, organized by Greg Mills Hello. I'm Greg. I've been out of work for a few years now, and while I can occasiona… Greg Mills needs your support for Lend a Hand to Greg During Job Search

I could use your help. Still haven't found work. I only need some funds to get to the end of the month. Thanks. I hate asking. It's insanely frustrating. gofund.me/9c9a6081e

Landman: Hybrid Origins

Using traditional English grammar where the nominative follows copular verbs is such a brutal flex.

I'm starting to suspect that that message from Trump in Epstein's "Congratulations on being a 50-year-old pedophile" birthday book was not really forged.

I know, right? What else could explain Brian urlacher?

Twitter post about John Fetterman telling Bari Weiss that he's a big supporter of Israel even though he's 97% German. He also mentions he's only 3% Neanderthal, which seems suspiciously low, considering what a massive, lumbering goon he is, both physically and mentally.

I know Fetterman being only 3% neanderthal seems suspiciously low, but keep in mind that that "97% German" must include subsets like, "Bavarian Lummox" and "Saxon Oaf."

BRING 👏 BACK 👏 AUTOMATOR 👏

The LAPD hates LA

Whenever you ask a conservative how their stated policy goals will make life better for people, you usually catch them flat-footed. They forgot that that's supposed to be the goal, and they have to quickly recall the reverse-engineered justification they've adopted for their horseshit.

Now I'm sure you can dunk.

"You think we have it bad, kids? I just spoke to your aunt Joan from Crystal Lake. It got so bad from them, they actually moved to outer space. Well guess what."

You have been hiding for too long. Your country needs you, Agent K (codename: Supposed Dunker).

This probably would have been funnier if I hadn't gone so gross. Maybe the punchline should have been, "and now I'm on a stage and Erika Kirk is putting my hand on her face???" Yeah, I like that better. Oh well. At least I and everyone else will be dead one day.

Uhhh, so I just announced that I think every remaining in child in Gaza should be abducted and forced to forever run on hamster-wheel turbines that power a data center, and now Erika Kirk is jerking me off???

Jimmy Fallon Plans to ‘Keep My Head Down’ and Avoid Politics on ‘The Tonight Show’: ‘We Hit Both Sides Equally’ Jimmy Fallon says he plans to "keep my head down" and avoid politics on "The Tonight Show."

Pussy ass

We are thrilled to announce that our NEW Large Language Model will be released on 11.18.25.

I'm returning just to say I'm very sad to hear Kaleb Horton has passed away. He was a brilliant writer, and by all accounts a great guy.

I'm going to try to stay off social media, for a while (except for refreshing Twitter during Eagles games). So, FYI, if you message me here or on Instagram or Facebook or whatever, I might not see it.