batkaren (a/k/a kt roth)

💯

we must destroy Mayor McCheese

They arrested Chuck E. Cheese, handcuffing him while children plaintively wailed his name.

I think the question we should be asking ourselves now is: what other beloved mascots can we imprison?

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: two cats sitting and talking as another cat with a Salvador Dali mustache walks by MY CAPTION: "Aw shit old-timey guy coming for the rent"

They’ve come for the rent the rent the rent, The New Yorker.

No no - I just have to charge my phone enough that I can go to the bathroom

Yo Claude, If AI kills my job, how will I pay my bills?
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"YOU WILL BE MEAT FOR THE MEAT MACHINE"
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　┌/つ/￣￣￣/
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hold it up against a pic of the night sky

NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: two cats sitting and talking as another cat with a Salvador Dali mustache walks by MY CAPTION: "Aw shit old-timey guy coming for the rent"

They’ve come for the rent the rent the rent, The New Yorker.

I'm already against the next war! haha, but I'm still against the last 27 wars too

interviewer: any weaknesses?

me: my knees

i have a sneaking suspicion. i have regular suspicions too, but this one is pretty sneaky

my blood moon thirst remains unsated

New Mr Beast contest: one lucky winner gets safely evacuated from Iran while the other contestants look on in horror as they are left behind

Evergreen

haha for real

I was told Voldemort would return a sense of normalcy to the Ministry of Magic.

sorry i missed your text, are you still bombing iran from the blanket fort

Flying in the breeze, rhythmically smacking his ass

take my view. please!

Superman realizing he doesn’t have any pockets, shoving his cell phone into the waistband of his red external underwear, resigning to it just sticking halfway out.

Watching Death of a Unicorn and it is by far the best Jurassic Park movie I've seen in years

From @osirisguitar "Swedish literally translated names for animals..." shows: RIVER HORSE, = hippo, BLUBBER HUNTER = killer whale, INKFISH = squid, LATEWALKER = sloth, LEECHCONE = hedgehog, BEAKANIMAL = platypus, FLAPPINGMOUSE = bat, SHIELDTOAD = turtle & WASHBEAR = raccoon

Please enjoy an old post I saw today on Instagram:

referring to death as "killing the vibe"

And war crimes!

I just did! ☺️

This is simply one of the best pieces of political communications in history.

people are so weird you ask a couple of strangers to brush your hair and suddenly you’re banned from the ups store

practicing good portion control by having only one major mental breakdown every day

Trump with his mouth open talking into a microphone

NEW TRUMP VIDEO

On Iran:

“Combat operations will continue until all of our objectives are achieved. We have very strong objectives.”

[Yes, he really said that.]

On the deaths of US service members:

“Sadly there will likely be more…that’s the way it is.”

[Yes, he really said that.]

You receive yet another email supposedly from yourself and roll your eyes while sending it to spam.

In an alternate universe, your counterpart frantically awaits a reply to their URGENT message.