Dennis Detwiller

Write this down

The best clarity descriptor for the MARATHON tutorial would be opaque.

Nah. Too clunky.

They’ll keep appearing and dying. It’s what they do.

Oh no BlueSky is in danger and who the fuck cares. The world got along fine without social fucking media. I know, I was there.

Money does not equal art.

One day he’ll be a real boy.

I still think Ritchson’s REACHER would be far better if everyone assumed he was hyper competent but he was actually pretty terrible at everything and just skirted by based on his looks.

The Bravery of Being Out of Range.

Will this song ever be out of date?

I’m on the ground at #GDC and I can’t wait…

Nope. Still in my basement.

Can you IMAGINE going to fascist America by CHOICE?

At some point soon the SNL cold open will just be the news.

I’m communicating with the failsons in charge of American war planning.

Message follows:

be so for real right now

no cap like fr fr lowkey this war is already cooked for you Yall getting bodied time to log off

We ended up after all of this in making [PROTOTYPE], so it wasn’t a loss, really.

And the game would have come out in 2008, just after Iron Man.

I still vividly recall our exec saying “No one cares about Iron Man or Captain America”

Oh.

Management’s “creative” call:

“None of those are marketable.”

Except, later, of course as:

-The Walking Dead
-The Marvel Cinematic Universe
-The endless Lord of the Rings properties

Example, early 2000s, my #videogame team is set out to pick a project.
The pitches:

-A gritty zombie survival open world game
-Marvel THE ULTIMATES (we had done Hulk Ultimate Destruction)
-A Lord of the Rings Game where you play the last of the 9 Kings trying to keep the rings from Sauron

(But I have to say, I appreciate how open with the dumbness Hasbro is).

Everyone who has not been involved in a corporation that survives on creative decisions probably doesn’t know, but the money people have no fucking idea what is going on and they control the creative process.

If you’ve ever looked at a brand and gone “What ARE they doing?” Well, that’s why.

This is how I access Bluesky

I love TSLA valuation:

“Well, the cars must sell well?”

No! And they’re selling less and less!

“They must be good cars?”

No, they’re deathtraps with shit build quality!

“So…their leadership must be great then?”

Well, you’re never going to believe this but…

“Hasbro’s CEO is incapable of Independent Thought and will Destroy your Favorite Brands” #FTFY

The absolute best part of the stock market is that you can bet that the stock market will explode while eating its own face.

God bless.

“Claude, I want YOU NOT TO BOMB CHILDREN”

I apologize for bombing children twice and I will endeavor to not do that again as per your instructions.

“Claude DID YOU JUST BOMB SCHOOL CHILDREN AGAIN!?”

I apologize. When you asked me not to bomb children, I bombed children again.

Hipster Conan, what is best in life?

To conquer brunch, to split a single-origin pastry with no one, and to hear the lamentations of those still waiting for a table.

Footage of me living deliciously

No lies detected.