Alfred Bitchcock presents...

now that I have a kid I don't think "for sale: baby shoes, never worn" is sad at all.

Babies grow fast as fuck, they probably just missed the 8.5-day window where the shoes fit.

How did Edward scissor hands go pee...

I hope somebody understands this... But I just realized that my family is the Red Bear family from the Charmin commercials and my brother's family is the Blue Bear family. And also that which bear family you relate to is some kind of Rorschach test, but for what I have not yet divined

God bless the kid at Target who carded me for buying the 70-calorie kim crawford sav blanc and then exclaimed "you look young! I didn't expect you to be almost 40!"

If you've ever worked for a company that employs a lot of smart and talented people and makes a decent product but all of the executives are fucking morons who think they are way smarter than they actually are, the Democrat party makes a lot more sense

Sonic's "hand-smashed burgers" like what, instead of an industrial smashing machine?? Who is making machined burgers???

The How It's Mades where a mixture is being stirred are the shit

Also I just opened this app for the first time in weeks because of All The Horrors and knowing I could be blindsided at any moment by some horrific new development, like someone invented a diarrhea gun and now it's the law that you have to buy your boss one if he's a republican, yikes

I feel bad that so many people don't like snakes. I mean I understand feeling neutral about snakes I guess. But it's sad that people actively dislike them. I feel bad for the snakes and also bad for the people who are depriving themselves from admiring snakes.

They should make an app called "are they dead yet" and you sign up for alerts so you can get a push notification when someone horrible dies

The Treasury should have locked our ssns inside glass cases like toothpaste so nobody would bother even going in there

btw, famously ancient and decrepit skeletorina crone miss havisham is actually only like 40

wtf i got chilblains?? What am i miss havisham???

How to Keep Tabs on ICE Agents Who May Be Surveilling Your Neighborhood Here’s a step-by-step guide.

This is a great piece.

"As deportations ramp up again, we have a choice: We can watch as our neighbors disappear or we can build on these proven strategies to protect the diverse communities we've built together."

-smart people
-poor people
-sick people
-outcasts
-strangers
-children
-the elderly
-bishops
-deacons
-sisters
-brothers
-mothers
-this guy and that guy
-a hundred other people
-also a thousand other people

Finally, in a tavern you can find the following people drinking:

-libertines
-mistresses
-masters
-soldiers
-priests
-men
-women
-servants
-maids
-busy men
-lazy men
-white men
-black men
-homebodies
-nomads
-dumb people
(continued)

Also, if your boyfriend rides away on a horse you should try wearing more makeup.

Listened to Carmina Burana for the first time alongside the translated libretto.

Very revealing. For instance, the wheel of fate can make you rich today but tomorrow might leave you bald or dead.

Additionally, if you are a swan, you should watch the fuck out because someone will eat you.

I don't want to watch a fucking video!!! Just write the information down so I can read it quickly!!!

What kind of hair ties do we think Roman Reigns uses? Is he a scünci guy or goody or what

painting of st. elizabeth of hungary giving bread to the poor but with st. elizabeth labeled "me" and the bread is "my dumb little posts" and the poor are "my follower"

Longs is the EXACT place I was thinking of

This is how it starts, you know. The dystopia.

60% of the store is locked cabinets, miserable workers toiling away in that... place... for a pittance, a crushing miasma of "corporation" suffusing the very air...

Now it's like, imagine a place that combines the grim sterility of an ATM vestibule with the dehumanizing joylessness of an airport security line and you get a place that is slightly more enjoyable than walgreens

30 years ago going to the drug store was rad, you'd get to check out the new lip smackers and use some allowance money to get a calistoga black cherry sparkling water or some shit while your mom was busy oversharing with the pharmacist

Not to be all "we used to be a proper country" but i swear at one time going to the drug store used to be fun?? I just walked out of a walgreens and that shit is bleak as hell. You can get a contact depression from a place like that.

Once I called my grandma to day happy new year and she said "new year, same old shit" and i just think that's really wise

they should make a The Purge movie but where the purge is only against corporations so you can loot stores without getting in trouble because that's how they pacify the proletariat

actually the -a ending suggests it's a neuter noun so "draculum" would be th singular.

like data and datum