Ava Val

Proof of how long I actually stayed down:

Nobody commits like Ava (see comments for full length bit)

Didn’t realize I was performing for the Duchess of Napoleonita

“Wouldn’t be an Ava Val party without an appearance from the COPS hehe heh 🤘🏻😈”

"I don't remember inviting ANY of these people"

My birthday happens to be the same day as the Pride parade in Toronto 🤘
My friends don't know this yet, but during the parade I'm going to nudge them and say "all *this* for me? Seems a little excessive" at LEAST 37 times

The agenda really isn’t working out for me…

I fucking suck at everything that isn’t standup and it’s killing my standup career lol

In this country WE STAND FOR THE FLAG 🫡🤘🏻

Me:
“It’s back, you know”

Ghost of the last person to die of measles before the vaccine:
“You’re fucking kidding”

I really don’t understand the gripe against paper straws. Just drink faster, idiot

I’ll call the pope anything he changes his name to except “Gulf of America”

I’ve heard that as a Canadian, if I attempt to cross the US border they can turn me away based on social media posts that are critical of the US. And I wish I could resist, but…

SHOES INDOORS?!

I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS. YOU ANIMALS

TENNIS SKIRT WEATHER

GET INTO IT, JABRONIES

No healthcare = you never really did have the best lives though 🫣

I “P”’d too hard

Can’t imagine what I was wailing about here

My sleep paralysis demon resembles a telemarketer who sits at a desk beside my bed and noisily makes calls all night

I’d like baseball more if they wore short shorts and knee pads

Remember when Bill C-18 in Canada was supposed to “jail anyone who called someone by the wrong pronouns”?

How many of you gullible idiots are in jail years later because of it?

Bill C-18 is another easily forgotten relic of an ADHD reactionary culture war against trans ppl.

Conservative on Survivor after getting voted out on day 1 because no one likes him:

“IT’S RIGGED 😡😡😡”

🤣

I’d tell Pierre Poilievre to take a seat but it seems he’s lost his 🤣

Every time I try to act sexy I hurt myself 😵 It doesn’t sound like much but I smashed my knee and my bones are made of glass

Here it is, the butt of the joke

Thanks so much for the shout out!!! 😍 Very much appreciated and welcome aboard 😎

Comedian Ava Val

Went and saw @avacomedy.bsky.social perform at Art Bar last night. Damn she was so funny. I had so many good laughs and I haven’t been laughing that hard for a long time. Instantly converted to a fan.

🤣

The guy who films Tate videos:

My legs scare off hecklers.

I’ll friggin KICK YOU