Either STOP STARING or GET A BETTER DISGUISE
Proof of how long I actually stayed down:
Nobody commits like Ava (see comments for full length bit)
Didn’t realize I was performing for the Duchess of Napoleonita
“Wouldn’t be an Ava Val party without an appearance from the COPS hehe heh 🤘🏻😈”
"I don't remember inviting ANY of these people"
My birthday happens to be the same day as the Pride parade in Toronto 🤘
My friends don't know this yet, but during the parade I'm going to nudge them and say "all *this* for me? Seems a little excessive" at LEAST 37 times
The agenda really isn’t working out for me…
I fucking suck at everything that isn’t standup and it’s killing my standup career lol
In this country WE STAND FOR THE FLAG 🫡🤘🏻
Me:
“It’s back, you know”
Ghost of the last person to die of measles before the vaccine:
“You’re fucking kidding”
I really don’t understand the gripe against paper straws. Just drink faster, idiot
I’ll call the pope anything he changes his name to except “Gulf of America”
I’ve heard that as a Canadian, if I attempt to cross the US border they can turn me away based on social media posts that are critical of the US. And I wish I could resist, but…
SHOES INDOORS?!
I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS. YOU ANIMALS
TENNIS SKIRT WEATHER
GET INTO IT, JABRONIES
No healthcare = you never really did have the best lives though 🫣
I “P”’d too hard
Can’t imagine what I was wailing about here
My sleep paralysis demon resembles a telemarketer who sits at a desk beside my bed and noisily makes calls all night
I’d like baseball more if they wore short shorts and knee pads
Remember when Bill C-18 in Canada was supposed to “jail anyone who called someone by the wrong pronouns”?
How many of you gullible idiots are in jail years later because of it?
Bill C-18 is another easily forgotten relic of an ADHD reactionary culture war against trans ppl.
Conservative on Survivor after getting voted out on day 1 because no one likes him:
“IT’S RIGGED 😡😡😡”
🤣
I’d tell Pierre Poilievre to take a seat but it seems he’s lost his 🤣
Every time I try to act sexy I hurt myself 😵 It doesn’t sound like much but I smashed my knee and my bones are made of glass
Here it is, the butt of the joke
Thanks so much for the shout out!!! 😍 Very much appreciated and welcome aboard 😎
Went and saw @avacomedy.bsky.social perform at Art Bar last night. Damn she was so funny. I had so many good laughs and I haven’t been laughing that hard for a long time. Instantly converted to a fan.
🤣
The guy who films Tate videos:
