Colton Dunn

Great. Now what am I gonna do with all these Labrador balloons.

#SpaceFact On Mercury, one sunrise takes 176 Earth days.
NASA has called it “hitting snooze.”

I’m not. But I’ve been there. Aggressively “nice” drivers. Ha

I’m at a four-way stop. It’s their turn.
They wave me through.
No fool. I ain’t breaking the rules just cause you think you the mayor of traffic.

I don’t have the guts to leave a group chat. I just get a new phone.

I have 32 phones.

I kinda think it’s gonna happen soon. And when it does how many water balloons filled with cat pee do you think we can sneak into the rotunda?

BREAKING🚨: The DOJ would like to sell you a bridge.

Wearing your own merch is kinda like liking your own post.

Its dork.

There is such a thing as too many wind chimes and that number is 3.

Whoa my MAGA brothers and sisters. Stop overreacting. The guy on the Cracker Barrel logo was an IMMIGRANT! And there was another one HIDING IN THE BARREL! We are safer now.

this is next level dumb.

My least favorite dance combo it the walk forward tough to the hand swipe turn around and walk away followed by the “sike I’m back”

BREAKING NEWS: Photo leaked from Trump Putin meeting.

Legalize throwing sandwiches at fascists

#SpaceFact The Milky Way is on a collision course with another galaxy.
Estimated time of impact: 4 billion years.
Jesus take the wheel!

End of day there are only two choices in this world.

Double Dragon or Bad Dudes?

If it was up to me only one turtle would be a ninja. The others would’ve picked up different disciplines.

Approaching the point in my life where “treat yourself” just means buying a slightly better sponge.

#SpaceFact The Moon is slowly drifting away from Earth.
I don’t blame it.

Cargo shorts will never die.

Flying cars don’t impress me. Make me a flying train.

If you are not wearing a bolo tie, I do not want to hear your ufo theories.

Used to throw house parties.
Now I throw away old sippy cups with no lids.

Toothpaste container technology is due for an update.

This is stupid. We all know. They all know. Some of them pretending they don’t. But for who? We ALL know. He did it. We all know he did. Just say you’re fine with it. You don’t care because it’s not good for your team. Cause we already know You are lying to no one. Its so boring

One year old just full on gunned a wooden block into my shin then laughed when I crumbled to the ground. Life is really cool.

#SpaceFact The Sun makes up 99.8% of all mass in the solar system. The other 0.2% is just planets, moons, and my unread emails

Just showed my son the transformation scene from He-Man. It holds up.

Why do this to the Smurfs. Why???

Proud member of DSB. Dads skip breakfast.