Colton Dunn

No refills! Side Effects May Include… is now complete!

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Check out Part 1 of my Las Vegas story!

#SpaceFact
Euclid Telescope observed a near‑perfect “Einstein ring” of light around a galaxy 590 million light‑years away. Clearly the Euclid telescope doesn’t have kids. I can’t even observe a full episode of Pluribus.

#spacefact
The James Webb Space Telescope captured auroras on Neptune and they’re happening at mid‑latitudes instead of the poles. “Mid-latitudes” are just ok “latitudes”

I’m not gonna say commercials are bullshit. But I ain’t never enjoyed a product so much I started dancing around alone in my living room.

#SpaceFact
Scientists are tracking 3I/ATLAS as it flies through our solar system at over 130,000 mph. They are calling it a “Space Waymo.”

Colton Dunn stands on the stage in front of a microphone reading a story.

Suzy Nakamura stands on the stage in front of a microphone reading a story.

Kirsten Vangsness stands on the stage in front of a microphone reading a story.

On this week's Selected Shorts episode, Fooling Yourself, actors @captdope.bsky.social, Suzy Nakamura, and @vangsness.bsky.social perform stories by Simon Rich, Betsuyaku Minoru, and Lauren Pruneski. Take a listen wherever you get your podcasts. bit.ly/48N8VyZ
(Photos by Kyle Espeleta)

Great. Now what am I gonna do with all these Labrador balloons.

#SpaceFact On Mercury, one sunrise takes 176 Earth days.
NASA has called it “hitting snooze.”

I’m not. But I’ve been there. Aggressively “nice” drivers. Ha

I’m at a four-way stop. It’s their turn.
They wave me through.
No fool. I ain’t breaking the rules just cause you think you the mayor of traffic.

I don’t have the guts to leave a group chat. I just get a new phone.

I have 32 phones.

I kinda think it’s gonna happen soon. And when it does how many water balloons filled with cat pee do you think we can sneak into the rotunda?

BREAKING🚨: The DOJ would like to sell you a bridge.

Wearing your own merch is kinda like liking your own post.

Its dork.

There is such a thing as too many wind chimes and that number is 3.

Whoa my MAGA brothers and sisters. Stop overreacting. The guy on the Cracker Barrel logo was an IMMIGRANT! And there was another one HIDING IN THE BARREL! We are safer now.

this is next level dumb.

My least favorite dance combo it the walk forward tough to the hand swipe turn around and walk away followed by the “sike I’m back”

BREAKING NEWS: Photo leaked from Trump Putin meeting.

Legalize throwing sandwiches at fascists

#SpaceFact The Milky Way is on a collision course with another galaxy.
Estimated time of impact: 4 billion years.
Jesus take the wheel!

End of day there are only two choices in this world.

Double Dragon or Bad Dudes?

If it was up to me only one turtle would be a ninja. The others would’ve picked up different disciplines.

Approaching the point in my life where “treat yourself” just means buying a slightly better sponge.

#SpaceFact The Moon is slowly drifting away from Earth.
I don’t blame it.

Cargo shorts will never die.

Flying cars don’t impress me. Make me a flying train.

If you are not wearing a bolo tie, I do not want to hear your ufo theories.

Used to throw house parties.
Now I throw away old sippy cups with no lids.