It's easy to think that when you are in a #polyamorous space, everyone will be the same as you. But always be aware that it's possible to make people feel uncomfortable without realising it. Especially if they are new to the scene.
A lot of our needs can be met with platonic friends. But what about needs that "traditionally" are only allowed within romantic or sexual relationships? If our partner cannot or will not meet our needs, do we have to give them up forever?
#polyamory
www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/healthy...
There is nothing wrong with moving from a #polyamorous relationship dynamic to a monogamous one, as long as this is a decision you make on your own.
The problem with Cowboys is the lack of respect they have for polyamory and their partner's autonomy.
One of the biggest barriers to #polyamory is not being honest with yourself about what you want
But you can't truly be honest with your partners until you have learned to be honest with yourself.
Exploring #polyamory isn't about copying what other people are doing or trying to discover a "correct" way to connect with someone.
Relationships are a smorgasbord. Some options will work for you, while others won't. It's up to you and your partners to decide what your relationships require.
Dealing with jealousy in #polyamory can be hard. So what’s the trick to dealing with it? How do we go about combating that nasty feeling that holds us back from experiencing the joys of compersion?
www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/how-to-...
Couple Privilege is insidious in #polyamory because it happens without anyone realising it. The concept of the "couple" being the centre of all relationships is deeply ingrained in our collective consciousness that we automatically give it precedence.
A lot of people are scared of #polyamory because they see it as creating impermanent, less committed relationships.
Change can be scary, but without it, nothing can ever get better. And if properly handled, even changes we don't want can take us to a better place.
Exploring #polyamory doesn't just lead you to learn about ways to effectively date people.
Dating requires many of skills, such as communication, time management, mediation, and compromise. Universal skills that we often don't think to actively work on, but will undoubtedly benefit your life.
Ever since Darwin, cultural anthropologists have published study after study “proving” that humans have evolved to be monogamous.
But if that's the case, why, historically, is humanity so bad at it?
www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/review-...
Compersion is often called the opposite of jealousy. But this is not the case, as you can experience compersion and jealousy at the same time.
Compersion is also not simply being happy that your partner is happy.
Compersion is about separating your ego from their happiness.
#polyamory
It's okay not to know what you want from #nonmonogamy.
Considering how new non-monogamy is to most of us, it's understandable not to know precisely what you want from it. Most of us are figuring things out as we go. It's all part of your journey.
There's an old joke that #polyamory never existed before online calendars were invented.
And while that's obviously not true, the joke reflects the understanding that effective and collaborative time management is a vital part of healthy polyamorous relationships.
Let’s take a look at one of the many reasons to explore #polyamory: Exploring and developing your identity.
www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/healthy...
The quality and importance of a relationship is not determined by physical proximity or the frequency of how often you see them. It's determined by the feeling you have for each other and how you choose to connect.
The finite nature of your time together can be what makes a connection special
Exploring #polyamory comes from a desire to create connections that fulfil us and meet our needs.
But having that intention doesn't necessarily make finding those connections any easier.
Please be kind to yourself. And remember, most of us have been in the same place you are now.
Many couples have tried opening up in an attempt to reignite the spark in a failing relationship or navigate the fallout from infidelity.
But this rarely works. Non-monogamy isn't a way to avoid facing the problems in your relationships. On the contrary, it will force you to confront them head-on.
www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/should-...
Everyone needs to start their #polyamory journey somewhere, but who takes on the responsibility for teaching them?
The truth is, it's okay to not want to do so. Because if it's not something you want to do, it can be damaging for everyone concerned.
The sad truth is that no matter how many wonderful people there are in the #polyamorous community, there will always be people who see people as objects to be collected. They don't see them as humans with their own needs and desires, but as things to obtain and boast about. It's all about their ego.
One note, look for the recent second edition by Eve Rickart without her previous co-author's involvement.
Franklyn Veaux is an abuser who spent years using non-monogamy as an excuse to treat his partners like shit, and a lot of his advice in this book is "ENM means I can do whatever I want".
The number of polyamorous events I've gone to where people have PhDs and other advanced degrees always amuses me. Almost as if people have made a career out of their hyperfixations 😆
I get it. When we're exploring #nonmonogamy, setting Rules on what your partner can and can't do can be reassuring.
But how can you ever truly trust your partner if the only reason they don't do the things that might hurt is because there is something external stopping them?
#Polyamory isn't "more evolved" or "better" than monogamy.
Polyamory is about education and understanding. It's a pathway to explore relationships beyond a standardised template that doesn't work for many (if not most) of us.
It's not polyamory vs. monogamy. It's all of us against mononormativity.
Wanting to explore #polyamory does not mean giving up your autonomy or the freedom to say no. Being non-monogamous doesn't mean you are obliged to agree to whatever other people want from you.
www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/polyamo...
When navigating something as complex as #polyamory, you can't simply assume you and your partner are on the same page.
Check-Ins are important because they provide a safe, judgment-free space where we can raise issues and deal with them before they become problems.
One of the joys of #polyamory is that it frees us from the idea that one person is our "everything". We can focus instead on being our authentic selves, leading to stronger, more connected relationships because we are no longer trying to be the person we think our partners need or want us to be.
Don't worry if your #polyamory looks different to mine. Polyamory is about discovering the kind of relationships that work for you, not copying what works for others.
There is a big difference between a woman choosing not to date other men and a One Penis Policy. And while it might sometimes seem like the line is grey, it's actually very clear.
It's all about who is making that decision.
www.discoveringpolyamory.com/blog/what-is...
One of the lessons we learn from exploring #polyamory is that sex and romance are a lot more complex and varied than we are taught. While some people can only feel romantic feelings for someone they are sexually attracted to, others have no such restrictions.
Deciding you want to explore non-monogamy and polyamory is a big step.
Coming to terms with that decision and figuring out precisely what it means for you is an even bigger one.
Don't worry if the next steps seem daunting. There is no rush. Take the time to do things at your own speed.
