Jeff Strand

Pre-ordered signed copies of YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND are ready to ship!

Real men wear pink shirts that promote their girlfriend’s upcoming novel.

I know you think everybody who reads my new book will be driven mad by its nightmarish intensity, but 100 people retained enough of their sanity to rate it.

As somebody who was obsessed with the NAKED GUN films as a teenager, I can happily report that I loved the new one. Honestly, the trailer had more of a DEADPOOL vibe, but the movie itself, most of the time, feels like pure NAKED GUN silliness.

Technology is advancing so rapidly that it won't be long before human-passing androids show up at my home, offering to review my books for their 2000+ followers for $199.

Even I must acknowledge that the black licorice thing has gotten out of control.

Look, Trump being a pedophile does NOT make him a bad president, okay? It’s the incompetence, ignorance, corruption, and temperament that make him a bad president. Along with him being a pedophile.

Not today, Satan!

I was surprised to see this picture pop up in my Facebook memories, because it actually looks like I'm having fun being on a panel. In 99% of my pictures, regardless of my true mood, it looks like I'm in the midst of a dark night of the soul.

MY AGENT[Fielding an offer for the audiobook rights to Your Body Will Never Be Found]: They want to know if there are any triggers regarding the kids in the book.

ME: Ummm...you'll want to tell them "extreme."

It’s okay. I’ll wait.

YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND: [Gets a bunch of great reviews.]

ME: I should share the bad one on social media!

One of Ghislaine Maxwell's demands for testifying in front of Congress; AKA the "We Need To Make Sure We Have Our Story Straight" clause.

Argh!!!

Your Body Will Never Be Found Amazon.com: Your Body Will Never Be Found eBook : Strand, Jeff: Kindle Store

This book was 100% human-written. No AI program could come up with something as deranged as Chapter 18. www.amazon.com/Your-Body-Wi...

Yep. Spellcheck is a tool. Letting the plagiarism machine "write" the book for you is not a tool.

I have no objections to a review that says "I fucking love Jeff Strand! The world is a better place with Strand in it." www.dlsreviews.com/the-joke-is-...

The latest shirt in my online store! jeffstrand.bigcartel.com

Apocalyptic sunset.

RIP Tom Lehrer. He'll be Poisoning Pigeons in the Park in heaven now.

The book I'm working on now is less f**ked up than YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND, but still sufficiently f**ked up.

I understand Trump's anger and frustration. Typically, when you have people killed, they cease being a problem.

😈

Your Body Will Never Be Found by Jeff Strand – 5/5 Jeff Strand, Bram Stoker and Splatterpunk award winning author, has released his most depraved novel yet – YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND.  Said to have been written in the vein of PRESSURE, MY PRET…

Walt's Corner on YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND. www.basilweb.net/blog/2025/07...

@lionelraygreen.bsky.social on YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND.

Marketing services used to e-mail me messages like "Dear 𝕄𝕣. 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕕, your book 𝔹𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕕𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕣𝕪 has an intriguing storyline and well-defined characters but could be selling better..."

Now AI generates e-mails that sound like they came from somebody who read my book but has a minor brain injury.

Your Body Will Never Be Found Amazon.com: Your Body Will Never Be Found eBook : Strand, Jeff: Kindle Store

"It technically fits into the splatterpunk genre, sure—but it’s more like SplatterJUNK." -- Review of YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND, future winner of the Splatterjunk Award! www.amazon.com/Your-Body-Wi...

TRUMP: Why would South Park say I have a tiny dick? YOU would never say that about me, right, Secretary of State Marco Rubio?

RUBIO: I campaigned on it in 2016, remember?

TRUMP: [Weeps with SDE.]

"This show hasn't been relevant for over 20 years," said a White House spokesperson, in response to everybody everywhere talking about the new episode of South Park.