Serafima 🤌

I sat down to write a chapter of my book, how did I end up scrolling audhd / queer bluesky threads and it's 4 am ??

we are 😭

yaaaaaaay clap clap clap

people hate playing chess with me because (1) I suck at it but (2) I will n e v e r give up or admit defeat so I will stretch a game out for over an hour, with my single last piece remaining running all over the board until they can finally corner me 😭 must. survive. until. the last. breath.

brain currently looping Love From The Other Side by Fall Out Boy but specifically just the line "I'll never go, I. Just. Want to be inviiited." over and over and I might throw up soon if my brain doesn't shut up soon :D

Maaan I wish I had that consistency, because at least if I wake up with a shitty mood I will know that the day is gone and just have a day off instead. For me it's like, ONE random thing in my day can suddenly make me plunge into unfathomable sadness, and then THAT's the feeling I can't shake off

I guess that's the short version and I'm still trying to understand whether my mistake was assuming from the start that she was evil and never giving her the benefit of the doubt, or whether my mistake was getting close to her anway even though I thought like that... sigh.

I miss her but I don't.

Cue my toxic behavior as a response, where I "call her out" on what a surface-level, unfeeling, fake person she is. I should've set my boundaries better instead of lashing out, especially if I believed it to be one-sided. She got tired of me telling her everything she does is "wrong". THE END.

Guess I was honoured she found me "infinitely interesting" a "deep" but I had trust issues and was secretive and tried to tell her nothing because whatever I told her felt binge-consumed and not appreciated at all, no empathy or genuine interest, I'm just "stimulation" for her...

My autistic ex, who likes brains, digs in people for entertainment, and when she thinks she has them figured out she loses interest and finds a new target like a vampire. And it's like, I get it, but it made every interaction we ever had feel like she's using me and not actually valuing what I say.

thinking about how i blatantly ignored the homework assignment when i was in school and showed up with a 20 page essay on a completely unrelated topic which was my special interest at the time and had a meltdown when the teacher interrupted me and wouldn't let me finish reading it to everyone 🙃

y e s

Different turtle depending on the animated generation / reboot. It's very much 2003's Raphael, 2012's Michelangelo, 2018's Leonardo and Donattelo

for research purposes: guys, gals, nonbinary pals, how or where do you usually discover your next super gay love story or queer fiction in general to read?
🌶️📚💜🌈📚💙
(eg. me, browsing physical bookstores or Pinterest)

(i feel for you and get it but i don't have anything meaningful to say except that as my friend who organizes regular local Single's Mingles says, one can find a friend there, or like, it's more fun if the focus is on celebrating being single, idk, didn't wanna leave without saying something🙃)

*sigh* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The edgy 2003 version specifically 😩

Me, staring at what I just wrote: "The heck is this fifth-wall breaking meta shit?"

Serafima: Funny how that works, because interview-Jin-Haru likes to analyse the whole journey from start to end, thought story-Jin-Haru is caught up in the now or the past. Meanwhile ,story-Mason is taking the long-term into consideration all the time, yet he you are, going with the flow...

#amwriting Character Interviews for my behind-the-scenes for Echolite on Patreon:

Serafima: Jin-Haru has read most of the script ahead already, but you don't do that, do you?

Mason: I like to discover things about myself as I go, yeah.

a man is laying on a bed taking a selfie with his phone . Alt: a man on his bed looking at his phone, smiling, and kicking his feet giddily

Me rereading my own story so far on Wattpad like

I fell out of writing for a week and logged back in to catch up with my posting schedule, and I saw a few people following me and leaving notes or reviews and reactions on Wattpad / Inkitt 😭 What in the holy--is this real 😍 I've a couple people waiting on me, I gotta get back to work! #amwriting

During the villain/victim phase he "accepts" how he is "perceived" (I'm unlovable). But in his redemption, he finally truly accepts HIMSELF "even if nobody gets it" (sacrifice: desire to be loved) and now that he has, he is recognised by people who CAN appreciate his truest, unmasked self.

How do you usually find your next read?

Thanks for asking. He's defined by his desperation to be loved, and his gift, which has to do with singing. However the way his power manifests is... Odd. Demonised. He's repeatedly told he cannot use it in art or entertainment, but music is all that keeps him going. Love and music are obsessions.

My understanding is that, a reader on socials is still a reader, looking for their next read. I look at how I behave on socials when I'm in my reader mode, and imagine I'm marketing to myself. Then again as a reader I am kinda simple: I see a cool concept and I go read it 😅 and that's all I need.

Thanks for asking. This MC's shifting goals reflect the hurt he holds onto. First, he just wants love. Then says he wants to be a hero, but it's again a front for wanting love. When he turns villainous, he's in a victim position; goal to just do whatever he pleases. Finally, redemption.

I'm poking it v e r y slowly and like a total chicken, to see how I feel about it, but scared to commit for whatever reason. But I guess it makes more sense for me to try because... If I can write a book, surely I can write more! Posts, articles, emails, whatever it is. I guess that's the logic.

Damn 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 cheers man, it's hard to get through the noisy there sometimes y'know. I'd also say that's pretty good.

(5) trying to do better

(6) getting frustrated that the same things keep happening even after my epiphany

(7) self-acceptance

(8) and it's all wrapped in this superhero setting to explore the conversation between what some call a gift and others a disability & the weird way it's both.

#amwriting about an #autistic / #audhd character with powers in a superhero world to explore my own evolution of:

(1) hating myself for being "broken"

(2) anger at the world like it owed me something

(3) being a villain in someone else's story

(4) clarity about what I can or can't control