Nerdy Fat Guy

Assorted 8-packs of canned alcoholic beverages called "Mom Water".

So this is a thing...

Consider it done! Because it is.

It won't make sense if you don't first watch Oneskin through Threeskin first.

Having, or inflicting?

Also: I know that weed is technically legal, but I hope for unspecified horrors to befall whoever was smoking right at the building entrance two days in a row.

Definitely getting uncomfortably sick just in time for the weekend.

I could feel this before I left the house, but I was close enough to the office by the time I finally decided that I should have stayed home that I came in anyway.

I suck.

Better than humming that Sarah Maclachlan song. Could be seen as insincere.

You break in and acquire said cat.

whenever I make a joke on this website with a reference to 70-80s culture I feel like the stand ups that used to reference old vaudeville routines

I just noticed that my wife has a pin in her office that says 'Team Mysterious Leg Bruise'. It's about time she was recognized for her sacrifice.

i quit pumpkin spice i'm on the patch

Nice. How pronounced is the molasses flavor? I'm imagining a grilled provolone and caramelized onion, but I'd hate to overpower the molasses note.

And yes, I'm imagining sandwiches at 11:30 on a weeknight.

Also, even though I know you need to wait, *I* would have already consumed half the loaf with honey and two sticks of butter because I no longer have or want impulse control.

*excited clapping ensues

two in the terms & one in the services

That's beautiful! Can we see inside?

Why don't any of us have pie?

why don’t I have pie is the real
question

I suppose I am at least grateful it wasn't a Peter Fuckin Cetera song.

My right to microwave tuna and cabbage at the office is protected by the First Amendment.

I mean... I'm not going to do that, but I could. Legally.

Working on planning lunch.

If you had a can of Bacon Spam, would you rather add the fried cubes to ramen or mac and cheese?

I had bacon ramen for lunch yesterday with actual bacon, which is another option for today.

Did you ever get a Steve Fuckin Winwood song stuck in your head for no logical reason, so now you have to listen to this earworm in your mind as you try to figure out what triggered the earworm?

Just me?

Fuck.

There's always room for improvement, obviously.

I'm going to be an excellent old guy (if I make it that far.)

I'm already cranky as fuck, and I've realized I like fewer and fewer people every time I assess the situation.

Plus, I can eat the hell out of pudding.

There is no other way.

Three random things about me:

1) Despite taking lessons twice, I cannot swim.
2) I usually have 8 or more trains of thought at the same time. Making risotto quiets them.
3) Four times in my life I have said I was never moving to another house again. I'm hoping the current one sticks.

I still remember them actually mailing the penny with the order form.

Is it just me, or does it feel like Sepultura is out of place on this list?

We were all so young then. Naive. Full of hope.

I might need to boot up the Windows '95 PC mouldering in the garage and find the floppy disk of the entire After Dark suite of screensavers.

We reached peak technology when you could 'test' your screensaver just to spend an hour watching toasters fly diagonally across your monitor.

It's all been a downward spiral for the last 30 years.