Head with Heart

🧠❤️ The dating advice that changed my life

After my partner asked me out for the first time, I started mentally spiraling about what to do and say over dinner. After two marriages that ended in divorce, I was terrified of ending up in another disastrous relationship. Then my friend Patti said: If…

🧠❤️ Memorize these 6 words

I was sprawled on the couch at 9PM, ready to take my mystery novel to bed and read myself to sleep. My phone rang. For the second night in a row, my daughter wanted to talk about an argument with her partner. The previous night, I'd listened for a long time before asking…

Stop mental spirals when you’re a hot mess

The Head to Heart framework changed my daughter’s life. Her ex-husband is super hostile and manipulative. Their divorce dragged on for 2 years, and they’ve been back to court 3 times. Whenever he messaged her, she spiraled. Fear. Tears. Panic attacks. She…

Head to Heart in 3 steps

After 28 years in 2 unhappy marriages, I'm in year 15 of a partnership that's beyond anything I ever imagined. Strong, sweet, authentic, intimate. I help other people create the relationships they yearn for by following the same steps I did--the Head with Heart framework.…

Why overthinkers are prone to resentment and how to stop

I harbored resentment like a miser hoarding cash under a mattress. Toward my husband, sisters, friends. Complete strangers pushing carts down the cereal aisle. As an overthinker, I saw and remembered every nuance of someone else's behavior.…

Pay attention to thoughts you resist

Our overthinking, analytic mind doesn’t like some of our ideas. The quiet ones. Whispers. Nudges. It rejects them so quickly, they don’t make it into our conscious awareness. We’re more likely to notice the resistance: I can’t do that. Not now. That makes no…

2 ways to get ankle-deep vulnerable

Sharing your authentic thoughts, emotions, and beliefs is at the core of healthy relationships. Even when it feels risky. But we don’t become vulnerable all at once. No jumping stark naked into the swimming pool in front of everyone. It’s a gradual process.…

A lesson about independence I almost learned the hard way

Early last Thursday morning, I followed Tito, my dog, onto a log to cross a creek. We’ve done it hundreds of times. This time, just before we got to the far side, a beaver slipped into the water through the heavy brush. Tito stopped. Tried…

2X your intelligence

I was wrong. All 4672 times I said we overthink because we’re smart. The truth is: We overthink because we’re not smart enough. Let me explain. We're born with the potential to be smart in two ways: Analytic, logical intelligence Emotional intelligence and intuitive insight…

Knowing what you feel is better than knowing why

Screaming into pillows made my throat hurt. So I made a bat - 3 newspaper issues rolled tight and taped together - and pounded it against my garage floor. I wanted to know why I was so angry at everyone and everything. Irritation always simmering in…

Why it’s so hard to stop overthinking

Let me introduce you to neurons. Your brain cells. Your thoughts activate groups of neurons. Different thoughts activate different neurons. Repeating the same thoughts makes the groups of neurons activate faster and form stronger connections. They form neural…

The “other” kind of intelligence you need

In 2 years, her smarts, skills, confidence, and creativity took her from staff nurse to managing 60 nurses on two units. But her ex got under her skin, big time. She spiraled with every gaslighting gut-punch message about their kids. Her anxiety…

Your picker isn’t the problem. Your filter is.

Your history of not-so-great relationships doesn't mean your picker's broken. You just need to fix your filter. Let me explain. You choose potential partners based on a filter. An mental and emotional checklist. The problem? You do it unconsciously…

One reason some people drive you crazy

I was sitting in traffic last Sunday when I suddenly understood something about my partner. I had a epiphanette. Not a full-on epiphany with angels and trumpets. An "aha" moment about something he does that's puzzled me for 15 years. Maybe you have someone in…

3 steps to more peace of mind and heart

I don't usually tell stories about people I work with. But I have her permission to share it with you because she's pretty excited about it. Let's call her Sara. She has a really full life, like most of us. Two kids, a husband, an ex (her kids' dad),…

I was stuck in my head today and these 3 things helped

Left to my own devices, I would never have cleaned the bathrooms this morning. I would have tackled my to-do list. This story started on May 16, when I got on a plane to go visit my daughter. I love spending time with her, but she has a…

4 lists to simplify dating

I posted on Threads this week about a list everyone – especially if you overthink – needs before beginning to date. Dealbreakers Qualities of another person that constitute an immediate hard pass on a relationship. A lively conversation followed. It's here if you're…

What to do when your person withdraws

This week, I had a conversation with someone about what to do when the person you love withdraws. Everything's fine. Then they're suddenly miles away emotionally and mentally. Not talking, not touching, not tender. Maybe sleeping in another room. You ask…

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Regrettably true

My youngest daughter has given me permission to share this. I failed to protect her. It's that simple. And that devastating. Starting when she was 5, she was abused at her dad's house. I trusted him completely, so I missed…

https://head-with-heart.com/2025/05/02/regrettably-true/

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2 new tools for you

I've been creating two things for you. The first is an online quiz that helps you identify your specific overthinking pattern. If you've been following me on IG or Threads, or if you've been reading my newsletter for…

https://head-with-heart.com/2025/04/23/2-new-tools-for-you/

The map I wish I had 20 years ago

I had no clue how to get out of my head and into my heart.So I tried everything—for 20 years. Egyptian etheric healing. Crystals.Buddhism. New Age church-ism.Dozens of books.Meditation. Therapy. Reiki. Yoga. I always hoped the next thing would be The One.​ I…

The Write Way

I started journaling when I was 10 or 11. My dad gave me a leather-bound planner with blank pages he didn’t want. Now Staples are my staples. $2.99 for 100 pages. Even though Office Depot has prettier composition notebooks, Staples is on the way to the grocery store. I covet…

3 AM Overthinking

Last week, someone asked me what I do if I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. Overthinking in the middle of the night This is my go-to. It works every time. (Except for tonight, when I was apparently supposed to tell you about it instead of going back…

Put it on the bunny

When my younger daughter was a high school sophomore, she unintentionally gave me a reframe for overthinking. She started saying "put it on the bunny". Her English teacher had a John Deere tractor with two gears. Bunny was fast; turtle was slow. When he wanted someone to hurry…

10 beliefs -> pick yours I’m deep into a long historical novel right now—my favorite genre. Last night, I reached the bottom of a page and realized I had no idea what I’d just read. My eyes had scanned the words, but my mind had wandered off, wondering if the dog needed to go out. That moment—realizing what my mind was doing—is metacognition. We all do it.

10 beliefs -> pick yours

I’m deep into a long historical novel right now—my favorite genre. Last night, I reached the bottom of a page and realized I had no idea what I’d just read. My eyes had scanned the words, but my mind had wandered off, wondering if the dog needed to go out. That…

All the feels in 5.5 steps This morning, on a work call with 10 people, one person had a LOT to say. About herself. Her employment history, grad school, favorite hobby, family, and public speaking career. She eventually got to her point, but I was annoyed. And I stayed annoyed after the call ended. I don't like feeling annoyed, so I tried to meditate myself out of it.

All the feels in 5.5 steps

This morning, on a work call with 10 people, one person had a LOT to say. About herself. Her employment history, grad school, favorite hobby, family, and public speaking career. She eventually got to her point, but I was annoyed. And I stayed annoyed after the call…

Free yourself from scarcity thinking: 5 steps For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a clock watcher—obsessively setting deadlines for everything. I’d barely start a task before checking the time and calculating how fast I needed to finish. The kicker? My deadlines were completely arbitrary. For instance, I’m four sentences into this issue. A month ago, I would have already checked the time twice and be doing mental math about how to finish the whole thing by 4 PM tomorrow.

Scarcity thinking is sneaky.

You're entitled to do the work that's yours to do. You're not entitled to the results.

are many entry points to learning to manage your mind. I offer one: how to stop overthinking.

The knowledge, awareness, and skills you develop as you learn this are just the beginning.

Sending you peace of mind, always.

I know now how to guide it to where I want it to be. Gently.

This the difference between being a victim of my own mind and having total agency in my life, regardless of what happens.

I wish this for you with every fiber of my being. However old you are.

However you find your way there.

There ...