Offbrand Ken From B*rbie

"Is someone sleeping in the van?" Do I look like a fucking snitch? I'm not karening on unhoused people man, get your own vehicles out of your own bike lanes

Someone tell me why I had to call 311 on a METRO TRANSIT van in a bike lane today. City v city

Biria bike with a sign that says “300 Campground”

Can y’all please be on the lookout for my bike? Last seen in Elliot Park. It is a black Biria bike with red pedals and stickers of local news orgs on the bottom tube. It also has a Brooks saddle and adapters for Wolf Tooth pogies on the handlebars.

*crying* WOULD YOU STILL LIKE MY POSTS IF I WAS A WORM?

You mean I'm NOT supposed to throw women at enemies and force them to do manual labor and repair my spaceship on a date? That's what I've been doing wrong this whole time?

"The Loneliest Time" cover with a parental advisory sticker

Its been like 3 years and I still cant get over how fucking funny it is that there is a Carly Rae Jepsen album with an explicit warning on it

Girl literally drops a fuck 20 seconds into the album and thats it

This photo goes so fucking hard, slap that explicit lyric warning on it because you know this album is going to be some of the dirtiest stuff youve ever heard

Annie and me after finishing our races

Me holding my completion medal shortly after crossing the finish line

Annie and I both killed our respective races today. She qualified for the Boston Marathon by 4 seconds!! Super proud of her

I also knocked 2 minutes off my 10 mile PR and nonstop passed people the entire race-- starting in the very back of the last corral (~9500th), and finishing around 3,000th

Thanks Bryan. Honestly every minute shaved off in running is such a good feeling so I know what you mean. I shaved 2 minutes off my 10 mile pr in the race today, so in statistically near impossible circumstances for em, two wins two days in a row

Ive been having a terrible year, so I will take absolutely any win, no matter how trivial in the grand scheme of things; and I think this is my first one all year lol

And I assume I'm one of only a couple dozen Double Vision players who have ever accomplished this. It took over 300 plays across various Dragonforce songs until I hit it

An audiosurf scoreboard for Dragonforce : Operation Ground and Pound showing Bread Crumbs (me) having 1,013,084 points

Not that anybody probably cares about my scores in a 20 year old game, but after literal years of trying I am now one of the like < 500 people who in the history of Audiosurf have ever legitimately cracked 1,000,000 points in a single run.

If only I had been good when this game was relevant lol

They were like "I was very impressed how eager you were to do a job most people don't want to do!" and that was only because I was eager to not look completely fucking useless. Lmao

I volunteered for Habitat for Humanity today, unfortunately sometimes I forget there is no brain between my eyes so I started kind of useless- but luckily they needed junk hauled out the house, so it gave me something to do! I am quite strong for my size/weight so I just hauled shit to the dumpster

I learned the other day that apple cider has 20 carbs per serving and Captain Morgan has half a carb per serving, so mixing those two is how I will be carboloading the day before!! (extra carbs together after all!!!)

Okay byeee time for me to finally run that full 10 mile to prove I can do it no problem this weekend

We all deserve grace and kindness. That includes you.

I forgot how much more you have to eat when youre actually doing a lot of running, I have been starving for days and didn't know why lol

strava screenshot of a marathon

Hey no reason throw back to that time I ran a marathon in under 6 hours on 2 weeks of training solely because Annie said I couldnt do that because it was impossible

Anyway see you bitches at the finish line of the Twin Cities 10 mile this weekend lmaoaoaoa (I once again wont be seriously training)

Okie dokie...

"silly new queer panic": Republicans blaming trans people for the majority of gun violence this past month is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard and is not supported by data. Done.

Tswift: Trump is still railing on her. She hasnt replied so I only half marked it off

Glad to hear you're doing better!

hey guess what this entire thing turned out to be fucking bullshit. Btw if you dont believe in god you should because there's no other explanation for how shit this year has been other than "god is real and fucking hates me"

Very, very unlike me, but what a week, what a fucking YEAR and I cant tell you how fucking cathartic that was

I took out some anger yelling at some idiots parked in a bike lane on my way home lmao, they chased me down & all 3 of them screamed at me and my breaking down ass was like "oh they want a FIGHT?!" and I verbal altercationed until i realized if they had a gun, I was seconds from an early grave lmao

YOU WOULD THINK I WOULD FUCKING LEARN BY NOW

hope has *nothing* but burned me in the past like 5 years and I'm fucking done with it bro

The Star Tribune continues to be a rag.

Thanks Bryan, I appreciate you

Letting myself have hope for the first time in forever (and hoping that wont bite me like it usually has)

Pretty sure Im going to wake up and this be a dream but going to enoy it until that happens!