Bong Joon Heaux

"Alright then, what's all this?" In a thick British accent is probably the worst thing my partner has allowed me to say with my hand in their pants without immediately demanding that I retract my hand. I've broken their spirit

I'll be like "Ask me about something 300 years after that, preferably involving broad trends of US films or music" and they'll be like "What's US" and I'll be like "Never mind I'm deranged, please direct me to the nearest manual labor that needs doing"

Partner was like "What if you said you were a seer?" Gonna be honest. Do NOT have the strongest grasp of history. I'll be like "I can predict the future" and they'll be like "What will happen in the distant year of 1685" and I'll be like "FUCK."

Something I think about way too much is how if I went back in time my dumb ass would be like "I'll invent the INTERNET (or other tech) and be RICH" only to not know how to do that bc I don't really know what it is. Phones? Idk. Electricity? Idk. Shit isn't working out for me. Day labor it is then

Killed this ant that came in the kitchen and the next day it came right back but it was holding a needle. Killed it again and it came back the next day wearing a cape and then I noticed I had a giant HP bar labeled KITCHEN BEHEMOTH and I was like man cmon dont call me that

"Do you at least listen to haunting acoustic guitar/hurdygurdy songs about the whispers on the mountains" No he only lets us listen to neo-conservative music about the south rising again. He kind of sucks to worship idk why everyone digs him so much tbh

Yeah I do worship a horned Elder God of the forest but it isn't as sexy as a lot of online people tend to think. For one thing he's like, cartoonishly racist. Misgenders the fuck out of his followers. Not homophobic but only for men bc he thinks it makes sense not to want to be with the weaker sex

My friends, including the bride, beg me to let the wedding proceed but I do not heed their words. "CAN'T HEAR YOU GUYS OVER THE STENCH OF BROKE IN HERE" I will yell at the groom's general direction

People will stop smiling after the first 5 min and start threatening to call the cops after an hour. I don't care, I will say, you just do not have enough

If you're from one of those cultures where the groom has to "bribe" the bride's family/bridal party to be allowed to wed her? Do not let me be part of this activity. I will straight up not let the wedding proceed. I don't give a shit. You don't have enough.

"RANK YOUR TOP FIVE CUISINES" I'm ensouled I don't do that sorry "TIER LIST OF BEST COUNTRIES" the light of the universe shines in me and I am made of love so no I won't do what stupid shit you're yapping about

I don't think it's fair to judge out of context lyrics without taking into consideration delivery, the rest of the song, y'know, context. But Jesus christ dude

‼️THIS COULD BE ABOUT ANYTHING‼️

I hate the shit that's like "haha coworker humor is this" "coworker music is that" blahblahblah but it is deeply funny how many of my coworkers are into Taylor Swifr and Harry Potter. What's with that

Two days ago my partner had to drive me to work so I didn't take the bus and yesterday morning when I walked to the stop the crossing guard I always nod to went "There you are!" And I was like HELL YEAH MAN THERE *YOU* ARE!! :D

It's super empty on the train today which rocked bc I could turn to everyone I saw daily but never spoke to and go "Man the train is EMPTY today" and they were all like "Omfg yeah what's up with that!" I love talking to strangers

I saw your Sam Supernatural man in a Panera Bread commercial maybe if he was getting his bean flicked by an angel too he'd b-- I can't continue this he's a working actor who cares. Panera invented a lemonade that got me through grad school in 1.5 years instead of 2

Us, dumb as shit: What the fuck where ARE they. This is ridiculous, how late can they be <- stupid

Partner and I agreed to meet and I was like "Hehe. I'll surprise them by leaving early and just showing up where they are so they don't have to drive!" And they were like "Hehe I'll surprise them by leaving early to pick them up from the train so they don't have to walk!" Can you guess what happened

Shit's been around for a long time and a LOT of people have been talking about it. I think if you think no one has talked about it you might need to branch out a little w your choice of discussion partners

I don't wanna be like there's an objectively correct way to read something or whatever but you see enough wide-eyed unblinking people thinking they cracked A Hidden Code In The Bible That No One Talks About and you start to see why sola scriptura gets debated

Idr what we were saying but I told my partner there was a dark point in my life where I could, if I wanted, recite the entirety of Eminem's "Just Lose It" and they peered into my eyes for a bit and went "Yeah I believe you." What does that mean WHAT DID YOU SEE

My dumbest half-skill is I took one ink brush class in what was part of a series of 7 classes so I can paint bamboo stalks but not the tips or leaves. Just a lot of lines on the page. I remember doing that in China and the teacher was like "Wow!" But when I didn't do anything else she was like ...?

Between this and her almost never mentioning grandkids I have a sneaking suspicion what she wants is for me to experience sex at least once in my life, a thing which in her mind one cannot do without marriage

I've never heard of a grandma so pro-marriage she wraps around to being pro-instant divorce

Grandma was getting on my case abt marriage again and I was like "Why don't you ever get on dad's case, he's not married." She was like "He's BEEN married before" so I was like, fine, how about I get married for a month or so before quitting and she went "That's not a bad idea!!" ⁉️

You can say, "In hindsight it seems so obvious!" or "I've always thought that but never was able to put it into words" like you're allowed to give people their due

I hate the type of person who, upon hearing something self-evidently true or logical, mistake their rapid acceptance/comprehension for having already known that and respond with "duh," even if it's an idea they never would've been able to articulate (at all or as clearly) prior to then

Partner was like "I would just ask you out normal-style" Okay not all of us grew up in healthy households. I would stare at your LinkedIn page and jork it to your employment history

I'm so glad I don't work with my partner, I'd be a walking HR nightmare. I wouldn't get anything done. I'd be downloading every manner of virus onto my laptop just so I could be like "Oh noooo looks like I need to get this fixeddd [putting cologne on my neck] lemme take this downstairs"

I'm not in touch with Korean culture but the stuff people talk about lately in social media is even more foreign to me. Nobody I know cares about skincare. Nobody I know does color matching or whatever. If you told me to name a kind of music that I associate with Korea I'd be like "indie rock"