Jess Behrens

Tomorrow the Epstein survivors will storm Capitol Hill to demand release of the files. I hope new Congresswoman Adelita Grijalva is sworn in at their press conference by another judge or official who is authorized to do so (doesn’t have to be the Speaker).

Sure, they’ll outlaw Tylenol b/c they believe it causes autism. Butt when they finally develop a drug that will add 3” of length & a 1/2” of girth to the penis, they’ll man-date it be added to the water supply, even if it grows a second penis between your pecs. You watch.

Pam Bondinis a giant turd.

Samsies. Butt, I'm also setting aside Tylenol so I can use it again when the CDC says it's ok.

Did anybody research if the guy he tried to stab was one of the thousands who sacked him?

Miller, of course. It's the Champagne of beers and this is the symphony, not AC/DC.

Big Christmas has lied to us for years. Here's the real story:

Rudolph the red nose reindeer is actually a story based on a magical toy dog Mrs. Claus made in the middle ages. His name is barkley & his job was to shepherd the young reindeer & teach them to fly. His nose glowed bright red to help.

A 79-foot pygmy blue whale surfaced near Busselton Jetty, Australia, a breathtaking encounter with one of the ocean’s rarest giants.

[📹 Megan Wood]

"The groom is a liar
And the bride is a shill
The priest says, "If these two don't make it
Who among us ever will?"
Don't ask the love you dare for a prediction
Wherein the lovers of tomorrow are involved
I guess time just makes fools of us all?"

"Go and serve your client notice
That of all the young gods that I have known
Yours is easily the least famous
To turn down the cover of the Rolling Stone
Lily white faces so familiar
And yet impossible to recall
I guess time just makes fools of us all"

--Father John Misty

This is the trailer for the documentary I made about my family. It’s called

STILLER&MEARA: NOTHING IS LOST

IT OPENS October 17 in theaters and dreams October 24 on AppleTV+

Marvel is spending a lot of time & money trying to scare everyone with Dr. Doom, which is a name that sound's more like a DJ in residence at Hakkassan than a super villain.

The Convicted FElon has finally united the people on one thing.
#ReleaseTheEpsteinFiles

I thought about dressing as Stephen Miller for Halloween, butt no matter how hard I try, I can't bend over far enough to get my head in my asshole.

Truth: We should be paying immigrants to come to America & work. Good reason to believe they are a huge part of our economic growth since 2000.

John Oliver: "If ICE can bother some guys at a roofing job, bystanders can bother ICE at their state-sanctioned kidnapping job."

Nation's Porn Stars Demand To Be Fucked Harder WASHINGTON, DC–Seeking to reverse a "decades-long trend toward shamefully inadequate underfucking in our nation’s adult-entertainment industry," a coalition of U.S. porn stars gathered in the nation’s...

Did you include the value of this gem? T. Herman Zweibel would push for 5T.

theonion.com/nations-porn...

I think the sorting hat was wrong & that I'm not Slitherin, I'm Griffindor. I'm an ENFP who loves dogs, for Chrissake!

Nick Cave fan here. Fuck, Stagger Lee is a brutal song.

Although it's probably hard to sell advertising when the real message, the one you should be telling everyone, is binomial.

In defense of Arch Manning, & the National Sports Media, Florida was 1-3. That's a 25% winning percentage.

Here's the crux of the fucking issue, you sports savants:

Stop using the normal distribution to describe stochastic competitive outcome & stop writing as if Gaussian assumptions are met.

BREAKING: In a surprise to many, the conservative Supreme Court has rejected Jeffrey Epstein associate Ghislaine Maxwell’s appeal of her criminal conviction for her role in recruiting and grooming girls who were sexually abused by Epstein.

www.nbcnews.com/politics/sup...

Yes, very weird. 🤷🏼‍♂️

I'm glad Justice Barrett is not afraid. The problem is that she is wrong on the law most of the time, ignores precedent, & allows her religious bias dictate her judicial rulings.

Chicago priest Father Michael Pfleger: "The state of emergency is in AMERICA, not Chicago. It's birthed from this president and his admin's reign of terror."

( ht: @mikenellis.bsky.social )

I said what I said: Kristi Noem should be tried at The Hague for crimes against humanity.

Bad Bunny para presidente. Ted Lasso can step in as Vice President.

Bad Bunny was born in Puerto Rico, which is part of the United States. Ted Cruz was born in Canada.

Bad Bunny is eligible to run for president because he’s a natural born citizen. Ted Cruz is not.

Thought that was a fun little fact.