Nihilist Arby’s

Our marketing people suggested we do something to encourage customers to trust us so we blew up an elementary school full of children.

Please enjoy arbys

Hey kids why not smash your face with a hammer and make your dick broken. It's not like the world is any more tolerable even if you could get laid.

No one has to die of anything they don't want to. Remember that.

You'll probably die of a disease that could be cured or prevented by an absolutely stupid amount of money you don't have.

Many corporations each spent 10 or 100 times that to make 30-second displays of flickering lights to sell you garbage during a football game.

Please eat arbys for some reason

Shoot drugs directly into your dick vein. Who cares? Your government might murder you tomorrow, might as well.

Thanks for enjoying arbys

uh ok, you are hereby sponsored or something. Please enjoy being showered with nothing. Hope that helps.

It's cold as shit outside. If unauthorized civilians keep opening up the fire hydrant out front and causing a huge disruptive frozen mess all over the street, I swear to god I'll cum.

Hope you like your drinks room temperature because we are fucking DONE with ice.

Please enjoy arbys

We drink their milkshake.

That Wendy's across the street looked pretty sus. We rocked up to that dirty terrorist beef store and sent their fenty-ass manager to jail in our gross beef jail.

Fuck yeah, bro. We rule that Wendy's now.

Eat arbys because we are super good at being in charge of all the beef yo.

All events are ultimately meaningless. The shit I took last Tuesday is as consequential as any symbolically important event on someone's calendar.

The inexorable arrow of time plows forward toward your obliteration.

Assigning an arbitrary cyclical period and attaching a cultural expectation that we feel some sort of optimism and hope for renewal is some real baby-brain shit.

Eat arbys for yet another rotation around a nuclear maelstrom.

Spoiler alert: that baby dies.

Eat arbys festively.

Ancient people celebrated the darkest, shortest day of the year and so should you because fuck being awake.

Please enjoy arbys.

Everyone dies of botulism. Somewhere, thousands of years later, no one notices or cares. At least you were king.

Thanks for playing along in thinking we could make this garbage existence darkly tolerable. It's been real.

Do you have a series of thin self-induced scars on some extremity? Seems like the same kind of pathology.

No matter where you are, you're at most only about 4 miles from certain death - a distance you could easily walk in the first half of a football game.

Gravity is the only thing holding us back. The stars taunt us for our inability to reach the oblivion that is the entire universe.

Eat arbys

Why would you make me read this many words while changing lanes doing 80? Seems a little irresponsible, if I'm being honest.

Since everyone liked that passed-out drunk bathroom raccoon so much, why not go viral by OD'ing on fent and showing hole on our new bathroom cam?

Please continue to enjoy arbys

Almighty Nothing,

Thank you for this bounty of whatever our economic overlords have seen fit to place upon our table or center console or whatever today. We are grateful that each mouthful has brought shareholder value to someone, and look forward to shitting it into the void.

Eat arbys, amen.

We don't cross beef streams with @steakumm.bsky.social because they are actual corporate whores with shit to sell. We're just rawdogging the end of civilization for free.

bro, every Arby's has a bucket of horse cum as a condiment, really?

🎤MIC DROP!🎤

Give thanks this week only with our new limited-time Roast Tirkey sandwich, noticeably bulging and absolutely bursting with cranberry sauce from a precision-placed hole in each bloated chunk of white meat.

Thanks for eating arbys

Everyone is apparently Charlie Kirk, even that turkey. So please fuck that neck hole in the spirit that the holiday deserves.

🦃TURKEY TIP🦃‼️

Have a large frozen turkey? Get it in the fridge to thaw tonight.
But don't even THINK about thrusting into that turkussy neck hole until at least Tuesday because the ice in there will fuck you up worse than the ice you lifted off that unconscious hooker in Muncie.

Eat arbys.

"concepts of a war"

Oh good, what a relief. Settle down everybody, he blew some other dude.

Today is just like yesterday, except now your daily bullshit happens in a world in which several U.S. Presidents have apparently excanged fluids.

Thanks for enjoying [violent retching]

Since a jury this week correctly determined that distributing sandwiches is not a crime, federal agents are now advised that we will be delivering their orders "in a kinetically enhanced fashion" at all our locations.

Please continue to eat my ass.