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My body can’t manage being scared anymore. No matter how minor or temporary something is my entire being just feel this stinging, icy on the inside and on the outside it feels like I’m being twisted and contorted despite sitting perfectly still

I don’t know what to do anymore. Even when I try to fix my mistakes I end up causing more damage in my blind spots. The safest thing I can do is stay in place, away from others.

I can’t handle having ambitions, the hopes of ‘moving up in the world’ isn’t meant for someone like me

I just want to be a person, but I don’t have the right to want anything anymore. The sooner I instill in myself that I am nothing, the less chances there are for me to cause more harm even on accident.

Whatever good that was left in me was killed by self-aggrandizement, and I’m realizing it now far too late

Even my attempts to be better leave trails of broken glass behind me. Being a failure is one thing but I can’t even keep my own messes of glass from cutting others. I’m racking my brain for ways I can still in exist in other peoples’ lives without causing more hurt but I’m coming up empty. Nothing.

I don’t deserve to be cared about, even without intention I end up taking more than I deserve. I’ve become hideous inside and I don’t have the right to like myself.

I almost want to reach for my comfort bands and comet albums and comfort songs, but I don’t deserve comfort. I can never forget that.

I want to rot away quietly and not feel anything. I keep breaking everything I touch and at this rate I just want it to be my turn

I feel truly ugly, I’m growing repulsed with myself thinking about my own needs. I’ve been deteriorating on the outside for like a year and it’s like the rest of me is catching up.

I never liked the sentiment of deciding for others that they are better off without me but I’m struggling to see any scenarios where caring for me doesn’t leave them with more burdens. I think it’s because I was always looking at it the wrong way, but now I understand it

I’ve lost the right to scream about it in places of comfort because I’m pretty sure I burned them all. It’s a luxury, and I can’t think of why I’d still be worthy of it

I’ve forgotten how to be a good person, I’ve known it for a while now. I don’t deserve beautiful things, I end up destroying them even if I think I’m being gentle. I can’t drink self-reassurance without poisoning myself. I can’t be good to myself without hurting others and I can’t live with that.

I miss being a part of something. My loneliness is my own fault. I’ve lost my ability to cry out for help, but I don’t have the right to feel heartbroken over it because it’s a fitting punishment.

Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow feelings better, but I can’t help but feel like I deserve how alone I feel

THANK U 💜💜💜💜

AND THERES MORE TO COME <3 <3 <3

Hi!! Thank you so much for the kind words 🥰🙏🏻

The female vocals + choirs are yours truly. This is the first time I’ve ever been a part of something original and I couldn’t be happier that I get to do it with one of my best friends

YouTube video by Aya Druid Aya Druid - Baalbek (Vocal Cover)

I covered a song from Lebanon

youtu.be/saCPMthSwwU?...

Thank you so much for sharing, Allie 💜💜💜

Big if tru

Before I pick up the books, I have to repair the shelves

Ayo 👀(2)

U fuckin know it

Ok wait I see it ur right

Feel like I’m just a husk of anxiety

I want to be better. I’m trying to pour what little energy I can muster to the into things I know are healthy for me. Instead I keep going back to what brings only small bursts of happiness, hoping that I can stretch out the quick fix long enough to make any amount of meaningful progress.

What a big, wooden horse!

MAGFEST GOES CRAZYYYYY