Ian Plenderleith

Thanks for 'andysplaining'. Pal.

I was banking on Gryffindor, but it’s tending towards Slytherin.

Is he going to get Trump to rescind his red card? „Cristiano never touched the guy, fake foul!“

A novella completes my new collection ‘The Last Amateur’. A multi-billionaire decides to take the small-town club of his youth to the heights of glory, re-building the stadium where he was a free-scoring teen. Buy at @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social or @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

‘Britain’s Media Has Let Nigel Farage Reshape Political Journalism’. Another spot-on analysis in @bylinetimes.bsky.social - this time from @jamesbloodworth.bsky.social

Definitely the last time I watch QPR reserves away.

Almost a decade on and it only takes one attempt to post a small parcel to the UK from Germany to trigger me into shouting at innocent passers-by, "Fuck fucking Brexit and all the fucking fuck-wits that voted for it!" €17 worth of frustration.

I hope the game stopped for a minute's silence at every corner-kick.

In the penultimate tale of The Last Amateur, 'health product company' VitaHerb's newest recruit is charged with telling the fourth-tier club he's followed all his life that the company will no longer be its sponsor. Buy from: @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social, @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

No better name in football history than Crewe goalie Geoff Crudgington.

The ninth story in my new collection 'The Last Amateur' is about a player "in the shop window" after a decent World Cup. It's time for lunch to discuss the no doubt lucrative future with his eager, pushy agent... Available from @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social, @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

James Anthony P(at)rick Carr. Arf.

Tricky to time it if the ball’s in the crowd or the ballboy‘s asleep or not close by - better to leave it at ref‘s discretion.

Add: "If the referee deems that time is being deliberately wasted by the team in possession, the throw-in will be awarded to the other team and a minute added to stoppage time." (Also, automatically add two minutes stoppage time for any yellow card shown for time-wasting.)

We demand the whole book.

In the title story to my new collection, Scotland's greatest ever player refuses to go pro or to play for his country, opting instead to help his village team, the Thankerton Swifts, rise up the league pyramid. Available from @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social or @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

The seventh story in my new collection, The Last Amateur, sees some well-paid pros ask their manager for a well-earned rest. They can't be arsed going to Carlisle in the FA Cup, so give the kids a runout... Available from @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social or @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

The sixth story in my new collection, The Last Amateur, is about a cult-name, old-school commentator who keeps 'forgetting' to mention his station's fast food sponsor while on air. Available from @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social or @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

The fifth story in my new collection, The Last Amateur, sees an ex-player with Alzheimer’s making a daily call to an old team-mate to discuss the same dramatic FA Trophy game they both played in some 50 years ago. Buy from: @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social or @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

On the border of beauty and apocalypse.

The fourth story in my new collection, The Last Amateur, is narrated by a Premier League fan who goes viral at half-time for his 'passionate' reaction to a throw-in call. The book is available from @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social or @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

In the third story of my new collection, The Last Amateur, a disused city pitch is taken over on weekday afternoons by 27 refugees and their battered ball. Elderly Frank and his dog Sadie become regular spectators. Buy now: @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social or @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

The second story in my new collection, The Last Amateur, sees a downtrodden former international taking £5k to make the draw for the Scottish Cup semi-finals live on TV. What could possibly go wrong? Available from @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social or @wsc.co.uk or @stanchionbooks.bsky.social

The opening story in my collection The Last Amateur revolves around The Foaming Quart‘s Sunday League team and its two lone supporters - bald-headed Billy (a man of few words, but many hard stares) and his lively girlfriend Sally. Available from @halcyonpublish1.bsky.social or @wsc.co.uk

Remember, every day, what fascism will lead to.

For once, the victory never looked in danger. Didn't stop me sweating until the final whistle, though...

I still see no viable arguments against beheading them all. Preferably today, but tomorrow will do.

I‘m still in Germany. And this is far and away my best book 😉

Eggtoplasm #failedbreakfast