Caroline Siede

We all learn things on our own timelines, of course, but as someone who’s devoted much of my career to the romance genre and my entire lifetime to the wide spectrum of “girl culture,” all this soul-searching is kind of making me feel like I’m losing my mind. It’s as if I woke up to a bunch of prominent pop culture sites suddenly wringing their hands over why straight men like football or gay men like pop divas. Something I’ve taken as a cultural given is suddenly being treated like a singularity to be studied. (Was no one on Tumblr during the SuperWhoLock era?) And while there are some interesting things to unpack in the question of why women love Heated Rivalry, I think why that question is being asked now and who is asking it is even more fascinating.

Indeed, if there is a fetish angle to Heated Rivalry, I actually don’t think it’s a sexual one. For the most part, the fervor around the show’s sex scenes feels similar to the fervor around the straight sex in Fifty Shades of Grey or Outlander or Emerald Fennell’s “Wuthering Heights” or, hell, even Hot Priest saying “Kneel” on Fleabag—less exclusive to gayness than to a broader appreciation of onscreen horniness. (The Skins approach, if you will.) No, if anything, Heated Rivalry is part of a fetishization not of gay sex but of the inner emotional lives of men in general. Because “girl culture” has never just been Mean Girls and Little Women and When Harry Met Sally, it’s also male-centric stuff like Newsies and The Outsiders and Dead Poets Society too. That’s because we live in a patriarchal society where men are treated as the default. So women naturally want to understand the male experience they’re surrounded by and yet separate from too—especially straight women, to whom men are simultaneously oppressors, pursuers, and objects of desire. It’s a confusing reality, and exploring fictional stories of male desire (whether of other men or of women) provides a safe space to work out those contradictions. Plus all that cultural baggage means it can be especially thrilling to watch stories of men who defy patriarchal norms by charting a different, more empathetic path—not just with women but with each other as well.

It’s why I’m a little bit frustrated by pieces that analyze the popularity of slashfic or the phenomenon of women loving Heated Rivalry without positioning those experiences in the broader context of the other types of media that women consume and create too. Yes, shipping One Direction members is a thing, but we’ve also got two separate film franchises based on fanfic about Harry Styles falling in love with women too. In A03 terms: for every Drarry, there’s a Dramione; for every Finnpoe, there’s a Reylo. Highlighting one without the other feels like pulling on a single thread without showing the wider tapestry. And I can’t help but wonder if that’s actually a little bit of projection from gay men who don’t usually engage with the romance genre but are specifically jumping into Heated Rivalry because it’s become such a phenomenon.

It’s a reality that critic Wesley Morris sort of grapples with in his recent New York Times article, “I’m So Used to Gay Tragedies That I Almost Missed Romance.” Though the piece is ultimately a love letter to Heated Rivalry, he starts by admitting his skepticism and reluctance to even watch the series—partially because romance isn’t really his genre and partially because the most enthusiastic recommendations came from straight women. Yet it’s interesting that even in celebrating the show, he puts it in conversations with queer dramas like Brokeback Mountain and Moonlight rather than a slate of recent lighthearted gay romances like Fire Island, Bros, Happiest Season, Heartstopper, Crush, A Nice Indian Boy, Single All The Way, and Love, Victor, which have sprung up in response to an overall boom in streaming rom-coms. To me, what makes Heated Rivalry special isn’t that it’s lighter than the award-winning queer dramas that have come before it, but that it’s weightier than the cheesy, upbeat rom-coms that have increasingly been flooding the genre lately. In that sense, women are raving about Heated Rivalry not because it’s gay but because it’s good. And female romance fans always rave about the romances they think are good—it’s just rare that non-romance lovers stop to listen to them. As Morris puts it in his article, “Gay men, I have to remind myself occasionally, are also … men. My initial resistance to Heated Rivalry owed to something institutional that convinced me I don’t need to see all this love. Or, scarier, maybe I don’t deserve to see it.”

One of my frustrations with the Heated Rivalry discourse is the way "women love M/M romance" is being treated as somehow separate from fact that women also like straight romances AND stories of sensitive straight male friendships too. It's all connected girlculture.substack.com/p/why-are-me...

Why are men obsessed with women obsessed with ‘Heated Rivalry’? On who owns the romance genre and what's actually being fetishized in everyone's favorite gay hockey show

Welp, I'm officially weighing in on the discourse! Here's 2,500+ words of me overthinking why everyone else is overthinking the Heated Rivalry phenomenon.

A tribute to Lord of the Rings and Mamma Mia 2

Every thought I had watching the rest of ‘Bridgerton’ season four The show's Cinderella season comes to a close

Dearest gentle reader, please join me for a carriage ride through the back half of Bridgerton's fourth season.

Had to pause before the reunion to watch some old Johnny Weir programs and, wow, I forgot how much there really is just a direct line between his skating style and Yuzuru Hanyu.

Shout-out to the figure skating fanatic who put that Bolero needledrop into tonight’s Traitors finale! Absolutely genius.

Every thought I had watching the rest of ‘Bridgerton’ season four The show's Cinderella season comes to a close

Dearest gentle reader, please join me for a carriage ride through the back half of Bridgerton's fourth season.

Alysa Liu has now hit 5.7 million Instagram followers—that’s more than Michael Phelps, Ilona Maher, Suni Lee, Shaun White, or Lindsey Vonn. Still chasing Simone Biles (12m) and Usain Bolt (13m).

I’m gonna be honest, it read so “theme park pirate” to me that I’m not sure I even realized he was going for Irish…

But, in that case, the primary target of the question should actually be men and how they’re engaging with the genre/story! Whereas I feel like the conversation keeps getting stuck on psychoanalyzing women, even though that part feels so self-explanatory to me

They just feel like two different conversations to me. “Why do women like this?” is such a goofy, reductive question. Whereas “What makes a queer romance authentic? Is the story losing something by trying to appeal to women? How do men engage with the romance genre?” are much more interesting Qs.

And I think that’s totally valid too! I don’t think gay romances *should* be primarily aimed at women. But, as it exists now, the romance genre as a whole has always been primarily aimed at women, so “women like a romance show” doesn’t feel anymore shocking to me than “men like an action one”

“Women like watching handsome men be sensitive in the romance genre” is one of the most basic tenets of human art! The go-to joke of every ‘90s sitcom!! The building block of multiple literary and cinematic genres! I really feel like we’re all overthinking this one…

“Why are men confused by women enjoying a gay romance show?” is actually the more interesting question to be asking! Nothing about this is a new phenomenon, you just haven’t been paying attention to the female experience?

You might as well be asking “Why do women like Lord of the Rings even though most of the characters are men?” Like, dude, we are taught to relate to and empathize with male characters from the moment we’re born!! It’s men who aren’t taught to do that with female characters!!

Tbh, the question “Why do women enjoy gay romances?” is built on the assumption that when women consume fictional stories, they only ever relate to the female characters. But, actually, only relating to characters of your gender is a male privilege that women don’t get!!

Game of Thrones is a dumb show people think is smarter than it is. House of the Dragon is a smart show people think is dumber than it is. And A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms works because everyone understands exactly what it is.

And Alysa Liu has now hit 4 million Instagram followers (!!!). That's more than either of the Heated Rivalry boys, and I'm pretty sure more than any other figure skater has ever had.

My deranged Insta reels feed has informed me he did 🙏

The difference between Terry Gannon’s genuine chemistry with Johnny and Tara vs. the crew they had him with for the Opening Ceremonies is crazy.

Johnny and Tara commentating the Olympics closing ceremony and not knowing any athletes but the figure skaters—they’re just like me!

Aww, they asked Evan about Madi in his pre-closing ceremonies interview and he made sure to point out that his fellow flagbearer Hilary Knight just got engaged and her fiancée will be there too. Between this and how he comforted Amber in the team event, truly the sensitive king of the Olympics.

Alysa Liu (who came in sixth at the last Olympics!) had 290k Insta followers a month ago. Today she just surpassed 3 million. Really feels like her win could kick off a whole new figure skating renaissance in the U.S.

Some of the worst cinematography I have ever seen at that gala event, but a joy nonetheless! If you fell in love with figure skating at these Olympics, you can watch most of these people skate again at Worlds in just a month (March 24-29th). If not, see you again in four years!!

I don’t know what Riku and Ryuichi’s deal is, but I spent that whole performance yelling “Kiss!”

Committing to your King Fu Panda themed gala skate after you unexpectedly win a gold medal IS the Olympic spirit. 👏👏👏

(Okay, but I kind of wish he had just done the Running x Hope gala skate he did at Nationals…)

Also, I feel like that’s the most emotional I’ve ever seen Evan skate?!? Their “Fields of Gold” moment for sure.

And what if I said the Chock and Bates bedsheet makes me cry everytime??

So many insane things happened this Olympics that I feel like we didn’t fully process Yuma Kagiyama winning his expected silver medal in the single most chaotic way imaginable.