sweetie π

i swear i was told this same thing when i got unexpectedly knocked up

hearing “every once in a while you might have a squirter that makes it's way through” has caused me to lose four of my five senses

i totally get it. lovely to see back tho 🙌🏻🫶🏻

😭

brill

i'll shave you down like the hair on my grundle/throw you in the trash you're a phloem bundle

during my next rap battle i’m going to compare them to the gross little strings you have to pull off of your banana

The moon near full.

We see the same moon

i think i’ll go dig a hole in my backyard and move into it

lol

Odin, a brown shar pei/ lab mix, lying on a white comforter with a red and black plaid robe draped over him. only his head, a bit of his neck, and front arms are visible from underneath. he is looking off to the right of the frame with a pensive expression like he’s longing for the old days. focus is sharp on his face with the background blurred

LITTLE BABUSHKA DOG 🐕 🖤

At this point I’m more dark matter than human.

I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm bored

Existing is messy.

that tiny pocket in your jeans is to tuck away the insecurities for later

*groans inevitability to myself*

man I could really go for some peace

Weather channel: Hey here's a doc on the Donner party.

Me: Not today Weather Channel.

did i ever tell you how much i love her name 🥰

Brown cat Tosca with an old soda bottle

Tosca in a contemplative mood

giving myself some extra vaccines in protest

i don't know what it is, but i'm judging it.

Rotating my wardrobe from winter black to springtime black.

i keep seeing billionaire tech bros obsessed with looking younger and younger every year and all I can think is "oh like a picture of Dorkian Grey"

Keep talking, asshole, ive already messaged the etsy witches

in my mind you two are married now. congratulations 🎉

Yeah, sorry i'm late - been trying to explain the concept of time to my cat

Sorry if you have a heart attack near me because I only know CCR and Proud Mary’s gonna be the last thing you hear

*me looking directly into imaginary camera:
I spend an alarming amount of time pretending I am on a reality television show

When you taste what you're cooking and it's so good your head starts moving back and forth like a chicken