Am dyin

Maybe my attitude needs fixing... But nobody tells me wtf is wrong with me so like, what the hell man

Constantly being left second guessing myself like am i a good person or am I actually a terrible human being and I couldn't see it, that's why I'm constantly left feeling ignored like this

But me being friendly always backfires (partly from my own mental disorder) because I guess the image shatters people's expectations out of me

I've been too eager to please maybe... If I become much distant, people would want to talk to me again, somehow that's always been the case and I don't know why, maybe it's the allure of chatting up someone who you perceive as cool and mysterious

I'm nothing like that

Did I say or do something wrong idk
Even if I explain myself and be considerate, somehow something about me makes people stray away

It's been so difficult to open up to people and as soon as I did, people starts finding my presence uncomfortable (is it because of my bipolar)

I'm sick of people approaching me and then ghosting me, every one seems to do that once they got something out of me, whether it's my translations or my artworks, I feel like I'm only needed when there's something I can give out

Got invited into a group and I did a bunch of translations for free and creditless but as soon as I gave out my volunteer work instantly I got ignored, this happens in every fandom group I joined, maybe being a loner is the best

) :

Do people just really don't like me or am I really just that unlikeable

*crying my eyes out as I clock in for overtime work at 8pm*

I hate being bipolar!!!! give me back my normalcy!!!!!!

😔😔😔😔 I'm so sad and I don't understand why I'm sad is it my brain being a piss baby again

At the mood where I feel like everyone in this entire world thinks I'm annoying and I should disappear

If you knock on my head it'll echo!!!

Would it be crazy if I just quit all my jobs...

😭😭😭 I don't wanna workkkkk
But there's so many deadlines this monthhhg

Idnabe ive been in mental illness limbo but will defo keep the date in mind

Starmbhaze

ughhnnnnghh i want to be happy!!! let me feel happY!!!!

Working on a Saturday because the mfs who asked me to do stuff never have the items I was supposed to use until 10pm last night

mayhaps today i can be happy!!!!!!!!!

Currently in a state of ????? where i'm both whimsy and air-headed because i pumped myself with so much meds i don't feel miserable but also don't feel my face lMAO

I'm not dishonest enough to cheat the second invoice, that's just spelling out troubles for myself if I get caught... and Boss B is such a nice guy, I don't want to take advantage of his full trust on me... huuuu

Why am I working for such a complicated contract lmao......

Which means I could've had my original quote paid but because Boss A refuses, I had to low ball myself even when Boss B was willing to pay my original rates TT Now I have to refund the excess from the second invoice AUGHHH this is so heartbreaking it's making me crash out

I'm in a weird contract with a company who have two bosses, so I have two invoices to send to them because they are two separate factions of one unit? I quoted my price but boss A said it's too expensive so I had to revise it but before I could even revise the second invoice, Boss B already paid me

THAT'S 2 MONTHS WORTH OF FOOD BROH

BRO??????????

Tomorrow... another long day at work.......

Mmgmgmfmgmg constantly getting scholded by nurses for skipping my bipolar meds but my skin is suffering and I'm aware it's just the side effects from the meds but I don't want to keep feeling my skin burning just so my mind won't go off the rails

😭😭😭😭 oh my and I was having such a sad week too huhu so this came at right time to cheer me up

I'm happy you think of me when it's gungrave stuff hehehe