moody

taco bell cures cramps and that's just science

The gasp i have gaspethed 😍

if you see me smiling at my phone like an idiot in love, i’m probably looking at a restaurant menu

✨️ let's normalize calling out employers for their low balling tactics in 2025 ✨️

nothing like a cup of hot bean juice and a splash of candied bovine mammary excretion to start your morning

"monthly rent reflects market rate for the area" ok cool but a guy was just g*nned down and unalived a few streets over, but you think $3,000/month for a 1bed w/ no utilities is normal. got it

a lot of my craving for tacos can be appeased just by drinking fresh lime juice bc im such a slut for citrus

ikr its almost as if our physiology doesn't support the 40 hr work week as we know it under late stage capitalism

wolves don’t lose sleep over the opinions of the applebees wait staff

several thousand skeets later and i still don’t know wtf i’m doing here

im feeling very "theater kid that never got to do theater because of ✨anxiety️✨️" core lately

no body has ever met a straight man named clay. prove me wrong

remember your roots, #GoPuff - we don't need another #DoorDash or #PostMates ... we need puff snacks 🙏

I am not sure a “one terrible white man at time “ is the right approach. God needs to get her shit together and do bulk orders

the year is 2026. WW3 has commenced. you're desperate for comfort. you enter confessional. "forgive me, father, for i have sinned," you say. a formal, neutral toned voice responds: "Hey there! I'd love to help you with that! Let's dive into forgiving you as your father because you have sinned--"

"oh no. I'm trembling an abnormal tremble (compared to the norm) and I sneezed a few times. am I on deaths door? idk guess you'll find out when you wake up. sweet dreams, human."

there needs to be studies on the effects of emotional blackmail from chihuahuas/chihuaua mixes on their owners bc LORD

i touched a frog infected with gay and now im on a rugby team :(

I'll be in Hull for my birthday week in August (15th) and would love to have you come by for a visit! More than happy to pick you up from the T!

it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when i am loved transactionally! 🥰 kind of feels like a severe heartworm infection 🥹🥹

No one is immune to propaganda!!! Except me. If I saw propaganda I simply wouldn't believe it.

realizing the gummy finally hit when you see it's been nearly 45 minutes since you started trying to shut your phone off

big if true

reverse cowgirl psychology

labubus won't fill the void in your heart

born to laugh react, forced to care react

STOP picking at your face or ELSE i am taking your face privileges away!!!!!!!!!! this is a THREAT

you're looking righteously unhinged today, m'lady 🎩

omg the olive oil dookies 😭

ranch doesnt taste like ranch anymore. and that's why we need jesus in our schools