James 💝🏏

It’s in Tenbury Wells (?), so if I have a WiFi connection or 4G then that would be more of a miracle than Arsenal playing well

I won’t lie, I don’t think my Men’s Mental Health™️ could take another sub par preseason performance from Arsenal today*

*I’ll be at a wedding and won’t be watching

Harry Styles’ agent:

They’ll get Guehi two days before they play Arsenal

I fear we’re going to be relying on another pandemic

I have convinced myself that he is the greatest liar in the world, because for two clubs to have offered him a contract is quite simply unbelievable.

Quite frankly, Arsenal would have won more matches last season if they (the team, not just the centre backs) had defended better.

While I do think there is an inevitability about Sesko scoring next week, I also believe we need to be bit more demanding of Arsenal’s world class centre back pairing.

The threat is obvious, so Saliba and Gabriel need to step up.

Good morning from the Benyon dialysis ward at the Royal Berkshire Hospital

Villarreal would be better off telling the truth. They do not care about violence towards women. They have no "commitment" to any meaningful values held by their fans: they will actively insult them given the chance.

They're just as bad as Arsenal were for entering into contract talks with him.

Look how they massacred my boy

Very disappointed to see that the original presenter of Blue’s Clues has gone Full Ten Hag

Amol Rajan’s interview with Kemi Badenoch is starting on BBC Two.

Alternatively, you could have a much more pleasant 45 minutes by pouring boiling water into your eyes or waxing your arse crack.

Shooting Stars producers when Bob Mortimer and Matt Lucas weren’t funny enough in dress rehearsals:

Is there a “fuck off and let me write my emails by myself” mode?

Yep, spot on

*Mbeumo

I know a keep saying it but INEOS spending £200m on three forwards (Sesko, Mbuemo & Cunha) after making dozens of people on normal salaries/wages redundant is just tone deaf.

There’s a new update at the top of the Reels feed that allows you to watch videos your friends have liked, and let’s just say some people aren’t very careful about what they interact with

🤣😭

Well, the new ‘friends’ tab at the top of the reels feed on Instagram is certainly enlightening 😳

Other than the actual energy companies, Asda and Tesco have been the biggest beneficiaries of the energy and cost of living crises

England’s Chris Woakes: ‘It’s not the way you want to be front-page news’ The pace bowler tells Ali Martin of risking his career by going out to bat against India after dislocating his shoulder: ‘You just know you’re part of something bigger’

Exclusive interview: Chris Woakes speaks publicly for the first time about the dramatic end to the Oval Test, walking out to face the music with a dislocated left shoulder. Warning, contains some eye-watering detail #ENGvIND www.theguardian.com/sport/2025/a...

Arteta is here.

Sounds confident that Calafiori, Havertz and Trossard could feature on Saturday.

SCØRGAARD

Good evening from the Benyon dialysis ward at the Royal Berkshire Hospital

Alexander Isak ordered to miss Newcastle barbecue and train alone * Striker told to arrive for training after teammates’ exit * Isak due to hold talks with Eddie Howe on Wednesday Alexander Isak’s standoff with Newcastle escalated on Wednesday when the striker was ordered to train separately from his teammates and stay away from a lunchtime training-ground barbecue. Eddie Howe, Newcastle’s manager, had organised the gathering for not only his players and staff but their partners and children but it is understood Isak was told to delay his arrival for solitary training until later in the afternoon. Continue reading...

Alexander Isak ordered to miss Newcastle barbecue and train alone

Disney does this with the Disney+ app in the UK (and possibly in other territories), so the decision makes a lot of sense.

Everyone's been joking about Man Utd recruiting on the basis of G-xG but I've discovered another, even more horrifying possibility

Now, Labour are going to break an unrealistic manifesto pledge less than 18 months into their premiership, and both the media and the electorate won't let them forget it.