Welcome to Night Vale

History is written by the Victors. Philosophy is written by the Garys. Lucy writes all the religious stuff.

Clockwise, from top left: The Murder Night in Blood Forest tour poster, the Tour dates listed in yellow block text, the cast including Cecil, Symphony, Jeffrey and Disparition.

Our live show Murder Night in Blood Forest returns in May, with stops in Edinburgh, Manchester, London and Amsterdam. Bring a friend, your grandmother, or a stranger off the street. No knowledge of Night Vale is required to enjoy.

Ticket and tour information: buff.ly/TG2adQI

"4 cards. Card 1 has a red pencil with a white heart shaped bottom & black heart shaped tip. The tip is a breath away from touching the open eye below it. Below are the words: How do I love thee? Inside: Let me tally up all the points I've assigned to your personal value with respect to my needs. Card 2: a red background. In the middle is a vertical oblong rectangle. At the top & bottom are pink gums, heart shaped teeth, a heart shaped tongue at the bottom & black above the tongue. In the black area is white text: The heart wants what it wants. Inside: What it wants is blood. Card 3: a black background with red scorpion tails with pink or white hearts on the ends. On the inside: Love is never having to say you're filled with scorpions. Card 4: light pink background, a hot pink dummy has black arrows poking out of it in all directions. The arrows have black & white feathers & a heart shaped tip. At the top is: As the old song goes. Inside: Love is all you need to destroy your enemies."

4 Cards: Card 1: 2 human hearts facing each other with arms extending out to hug the other. At the top is: ""whisper a dangerous secret to someone you care about."" At the bottom is: ""Now they have the power to destroy you, but they won't."" Inside: ""This is what love is. Happy Valentines Day!"" Card 2: a black lake with forearms rising out of it. The fingers are held in the shape of a heart. The heart is the same black as the lake, with black droplets dripping back into the lake. Inside: Past performance is not a predictor of future results. Card 3: is a picture of a human heart on a white dinner plate with a fork stuck into the top. Blood is pooling on the plate & table. Quote at top: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... Inside is a longer poem. Card 4: is a heart shaped picture that looks like brain or heart flesh. Then the text: Roses are red. Violets are sentient. Orchids have giant hearts. Lilies feel pain. This has been a comprehensive list of flowers. Happy Valentines Day!

"4 Cards: 1: black abstract hands rising from the bottom, cupping a red heart. Inside the heart in white text: If you love something set it free. If it returns, burrows into your ribs, devours your heart & becomes your new heart it was meant to be. Happy Valentines Day! 2: a red & purple gradient background. A large red, yellow & pink heart. Text: Someday You'll find that special someone. You'll find them hiding in a dark corner of an unfamiliar room. They will be faceless, whispering. Happy Valentines Day. 3: abstract of 2 purple faces with red eyeballs, lips touching. The space between the lips, nose & chin form hearts. Text: Let's get together. Let's become one. Let's fuse our skin & share our bones & crawl about the world, terrifying & inspiring all who see. Happy Valentine's Day 4: baby pink with a red crochet-like heart made of bugs. Text: You say you're going to be alone on Valentine's Day. But you forget about the insects, ghosts & surveillance devices in your home. Happy Valentine's Day"

4 cards: 1. A blue & pink background. A flesh-covered unidentifiable creature supported by many spaghetti-like legs. Text: Love is a many-legged thing with human skin & no eyes. 2. A peach background, a gray rock with 1 eyeball on top & 1 eyeball on the sand. A conversation bubble with a red heart in it. Text: Missed connection. I am a rock. You were near me. I have no idea who or what you are because I cannot perceive the world. I love you. 3. A sand background. A bug with 2 big eyes attached at the bottom to a nose & mouth, a body like a short beetle, with 2 arms up high, 2 arms down low & 2 legs. Text: You wanna be that way? Fine. Seriously, it's fine. I like you for who you are. 4. A pink background, black shadow people with pink heart eyes circle the card (3 left/right, 1 top/bottom), heads to the center, torsos at the edges. Text: Today you will meet a beautiful stranger. Actually hundreds of beautiful strangers. Everyone is beautiful & you know almost none of them.

Last Chance! Valentine's Day may be over, but you can still share the love if you order by 3/31.

Four different sets available here: buff.ly/giAZ1xq

On average, 8 spiders eat you in your sleep. Well, you're asleep at first anyway.

A light green background with a black, featureless head. Inside the head in thin letters is the show title: Start With This.

Do you love Night Vale? Storytelling? Writing? Welcome to Night Vale co-creators Jeffrey and Joseph host Start With This, where they share tips, tricks and exercises for writers, aspiring writers and I'll-start-tomorrow writers. This podcast is for you.

buff.ly/WPuVwWA

A teal t-shirt with thin white block text: Laughter is the Only Medicine

A fitted teal t-shirt with thin white block text: Laughter is the Only Medicine

Sorry! All the other ones are illegal now due to freedom!

buff.ly/OQBJ8Xt

For God so loved the world, He named it Checkers and got it a cute little sweater and took it on long walks.

A tall purple hot / cold insulated tumbler with a clear twist on cap with a purple top. Wrapped around the outside of the bottom are various moths. The moths' heads are one large eye with wispy antennae's.

New! A normal hot/cold tumbler with normal moths on them. No weird stuff.

buff.ly/FTIEjjf

Let’s make this meeting an email. Let’s turn this family dinner into a quick zoom. Let’s move this wedding to slack.

A desert with a yellow orange sky. A dark sandy shadow figure's torso and head rise out of the desert with hands extended on either side of a house. Black text on the top over the shadow head reads: Work From Home.

New Episode: Work From Home

It's a bad sandstorm out there. Plus, a short film festival, how plants work, and a new intern(?).

Listen here: buff.ly/scIvpkH

Illustration by @angrycomics.bsky.social. Want it as a print? Buy it here: buff.ly/jM3ZXMi

The Ash Beach towel has black spere toward the top, with a yellow glow beneath it. Surrounding the yellow glow and rising up are murky ashes. At the bottom it is black, with hands rising out of the ash reaching upward. The rest of the bodies are below the ash.

An invigorating cold plunge. Then wrap yourself in the warmth of Ash Beach.

Find all four of our beach towels here: buff.ly/Pt9Jd4p

Do unto others as you would have them do unto people they don’t like either.

Welcome to Night Vale Book Cover: a sky in shades of purple and peach with a small Night Vale eye in the center. Rays are shooting out in all directions from the eye. To the left is a tall radio tower. A landscape in black is outlined in the distance, showing mountains. Behind the mountains is a water tower. At the bottom of the mountains is morse code and the quote by NPR.org: "This is a splendid, weird, moving novel."

The bestselling Welcome to Night Vale novel is a poignant look at the ways in which we all struggle to find ourselves, and it also has a shapeshifting teenager and a mysterious man with a briefcase full of flies.

Find it here: buff.ly/C1Kt0Bl

A model wearing the Khoshekh socks: Black socks with a repeating pattern of purple khoshekhs and his kittens.

Cozy cuddly kitty socks that may or may not help you levitate.

Order yours here: buff.ly/aZfdiSw

I did my own research (vaguely remember something a guy next to me at a restaurant was saying last year)

A trophy with (top to bottom): a Science banner at the top, followed by a lantern on top of a stack of books, then a round medallion that is black with gold lettering: 1st Place. Below this is a black base with a gold plaque that says "Hottest Scientist" in black letters.

The most important prize in science has arrived.

Order your trophy here: buff.ly/kK2ch74

From Star Trek: The Next Generation to The Sopranos to Mister Ed, find out what watching the best and worst episodes of classic tv can teach us about where tv is going next. Hosted by Night Vale's Meg Bashwiner and Joseph Fink.

Wherever you get your podcasts. buff.ly/79b44Ui

Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner

Is it possible to surgically remove despair? Asking for all of humanity.

The Murder Night in Blood Forest tour poster is on the left. Below it in gold letters are the dates and cities the tour will visit in Europe. To the right of the tour poster is a golden ticket that says on sale now. Below this is a picture of Jeffrey in a light wash jean jacket, Disparition in a dark shirt and coat, Cecil in a navy suit and Symphony in a purple off the shoulder top and black sparkly skirt.

ICYMI: Welcome to Night Vale is going to Europe!

Find out more and get your tickets here: buff.ly/ByZR9zh

PISCES: You worship the moon, Pisces, and that’s great. For you. Not everyone believes in that thing, though.

A black t-shirt: The design takes up most of the front in light purple, pink and blue. At the top left is an old box radio with a short antennae on the top right, an open eye below it on the front, with black liquid dripping from the eyeball. To the right of this is a pink banner that says "Listeners" with a glow cloud behind it and a torch below it. Below the torch is a card-sized image that has a pink background, orange flame around the top and bottom and a black lips open to reveal white teeth, the incisors like a vampire. At the bottom in light blue outlined letters is "Welcome to Night Vale. The center image, which stretches to cover the left side of the t-shirt as well, is of a pink phone, held by a purple hand with black claw-like nails. A purple old time phone cradle has a purple snake on top, the body splitting into two serpent chests and heads. The tail winding up to pierce a pink earlobe, like an earring. The ear has bat wings coming out each side of it.

A purple t-shirt: The design takes up most of the front in light purple, pink and blue. At the top left is an old box radio with a short antennae on the top right, an open eye below it on the front, with black liquid dripping from the eyeball. To the right of this is a pink banner that says "Listeners" with a glow cloud behind it and a torch below it. Below the torch is a card-sized image that has a pink background, orange flame around the top and bottom and a black lips open to reveal white teeth, the incisors like a vampire. At the bottom in light blue outlined letters is "Welcome to Night Vale. The center image, which stretches to cover the left side of the t-shirt as well, is of a pink phone, held by a purple hand with black claw-like nails. A purple old time phone cradle has a purple snake on top, the body splitting into two serpent chests and heads. The tail winding up to pierce a pink earlobe, like an earring. The ear has bat wings coming out each side of it.

A blue t-shirt: The design takes up most of the front in light purple, pink and blue. At the top left is an old box radio with a short antennae on the top right, an open eye below it on the front, with black liquid dripping from the eyeball. To the right of this is a pink banner that says "Listeners" with a glow cloud behind it and a torch below it. Below the torch is a card-sized image that has a pink background, orange flame around the top and bottom and a black lips open to reveal white teeth, the incisors like a vampire. At the bottom in light blue outlined letters is "Welcome to Night Vale. The center image, which stretches to cover the left side of the t-shirt as well, is of a pink phone, held by a purple hand with black claw-like nails. A purple old time phone cradle has a purple snake on top, the body splitting into two serpent chests and heads. The tail winding up to pierce a pink earlobe, like an earring. The ear has bat wings coming out each side of it.

A fitted blue t-shirt: The design takes up most of the front in light purple, pink and blue. At the top left is an old box radio with a short antennae on the top right, an open eye below it on the front, with black liquid dripping from the eyeball. To the right of this is a pink banner that says "Listeners" with a glow cloud behind it and a torch below it. Below the torch is a card-sized image that has a pink background, orange flame around the top and bottom and a black lips open to reveal white teeth, the incisors like a vampire. At the bottom in light blue outlined letters is "Welcome to Night Vale. The center image, which stretches to cover the left side of the t-shirt as well, is of a pink phone, held by a purple hand with black claw-like nails. A purple old time phone cradle has a purple snake on top, the body splitting into two serpent chests and heads. The tail winding up to pierce a pink earlobe, like an earring. The ear has bat wings coming out each side of it.

Last chance to pre-order the Listeners t-shirt in your favorite color. After 2/22 only the most popular color will be available in our store.

Choose your color here: buff.ly/8qdVMsA

Available as a regular t-shirt and a fitted t-shirt.

5 stickers. The first is a big red pizza paddleboard with Big Rico’s Pizza written in white text on it. The second is the Night Vale Analog logo (in black and white). The third is sticker is The Moonlite All-Nite Diner in purple and white. The fourth is a two headed deer with spider eyes on each head. The fifth is the Desert Flower Bowling Alley & Arcade Fun Complex sticker in pea green with a bowling pit growing cacti arms.

Four stickers: Sticker 1 is an empty pie tin with a hand holding a pie server and in purple letters above the tin: Invisible Pie. Sticker 2 has red letters arching over the top: "Kill Your Double" with two rabbits sitting beneath, one black and one white, each holding a bloody axe or knife. Sticker 3 is Khoshekh, floating belly up, spikes down with five eyes and a long black tail. Sticker 4 is a Spiderwolf. It has eight spider legs connecting to a wolf head. The wolf has five eyes and a pointy tongue.

4 stickers. Sticker 1 is cloud shaped with green edges and All Hail in green text in the middle. Sticker 2 is round, with a black background, the Night Vale purple eye in the middle and white text. Above the eye is "welcome to" and below it is "Night Vale". Sticker 3 is light purple. An owl has it's wings splayed, feet and claws out as if it is about to grab prey. In black text at the top is Dark Owl and at the bottom is Records. Sticker 4 is a rectangle. The sticker has a white background and black text. The text is: If you see something, say nothing and forget. At the top is the Night Vale eye: a black, almond-shaped eye with a white iris and a dark purple crescent moon in the middle. Below this is a picture of a cell phone with a purple circle around it and a purple line across the middle of the circle. Below this are wine bottles, alternating between black and purple.

Decorate your laptop, water bottle, or the bus stop with art from all of our Night Vale artists.

Collect one or all three packs here: buff.ly/ke81LcH

Dress for the job you want (cashing checks), not the job you have (snapping necks).

Tickets are now on sale for Murder Night in Blood Forest with stops in Edinburgh, Manchester, London and Amsterdam. Ticket and tour information: www.welcometonightvale.com/live

A quote at the top right of a black rectangle: "Those men and their nations destroyed the world. All I did was survive it..." Below this is the book title and author information. to the right is a cream book cover with gray human ribs. A few ribs are dripping like watercolor paint. In the middle of the ribs is the book title: You Feel It Just Below The Ribs.

Did you know Night Vale co-creator Jeffrey Cranor co-wrote a book about an alternate universe with Janina Matthewson?

Find out more here: buff.ly/9x5q4mi

Picture of Jeffrey in a jean jacket over a blue hoodie with three white and blue stripes across the front. He is wearing sky-blue glasses and making the peace sign with his right hand along the side of his forehead. Behind him is Disparition, black scarf on over a gray jacket, long brown hair pulled around to his left side and tucked under the scarf. Cecil is standing beside him, mouth open and fist pumping in the air. He is in a blue suit with a blue pin-striped tie. Symphony is standing in the front next to Jeffrey, both hands making peace signs - her right hand drawn back by her right shoulder and left arm extended. She is wearing a swoopy purple long sleeve shirt with a sparkly black chiffon skirt. Above them is a sky with whispy clouds and the Europe tour information in yellow block letters.

Today is the last day to purchase your Patreon pre-sale tickets to Murder Night in Blood Forest before the public on sale tomorrow.

Ticket and tour information: buff.ly/ByZR9zh

Not a member yet? Join here as a Weird Scout or higher: buff.ly/ZE6redF

Symphony, Cecil and Disparition are standing in the forest on a sun-dappled day wearing a forest green t-shirt with orangey-yellow text on the front: Birdwatching goes both ways. Symphony has one hand up to her eye like a monocle. Cecil has two hands at his eyes like binoculars. Disparition has both hands up framing his eyebrows to his nose with each hand.

A forest green t-shirt with orangey-yellow text on the front: Birdwatching goes both ways.

A fitted forest green t-shirt with orangey-yellow text on the front: Birdwatching goes both ways.

Who will blink first?

Find it here: buff.ly/RANO8jC

Get you a man who can't do both.