I’m just tryina bring about the Butlerian jihad death to AI my brothers let the holy war begin
as someone who has read this book every goddamn night for a year: 👏👏👏
This is so fucking lame. Every other competing country is having a non-stop baseball party, while team USA is joylessly listening to a weirdo tell the story of that time he killed a guy.
Just learned it was released August 17th 2001, likely making it the last movie I saw in theaters before 9/11
Betting big money that the Oscars will once again be swept by the hit 2001 comedy Rat Race (the TBS broadcast cut)
Tuned into the stadium feed of the Spurs game just in time to see The Coyote wheel out a t-shirt cannon and make the sign of the cross before opening fire. Adding him to my spreadsheet of mascots that are practicing Catholics.
Your government blew up an elementary school and lied right to your face about it and your taxes are due next month.
My one-year-old son walked up to me, smiling, his hand closed in a fist. “What have you got there?” I asked, and he laughed as he dropped a live spider in my open palm.
There are few more appropriate ways to commemorate America's 250th anniversary than by starting a new forever war in the Middle East.
I think it’s all of our civic duty to leave this weekend at least as informed about Iran as we are about Shia LaBeouf’s Mardi Gras experience.
These two fucks have a show tomorrow night and there's nothing you can do but ATTEND
live and live-streamed
get tickets here: ucbcomedy.com/show/double-...
HOT SHOW THIS WEEK
get tickets for Devin & Diston 2/25 7:00pm @ UCB
ucbcomedy.com/show/double-...
Many are saying this may be the most Californian person to ever exist:
I can’t watch The Olympics anymore. If I wanted a bunch of 17 year olds to make me feel bad about myself, I’d go to the mall.
when the bagel place gives me the wrong kind of bagel but I don’t realize it until I get home so now I have to decide if I want to eat the bagel I won’t really like or go back to the bagel place and make a little scene
Democrats are currently texting me like “I have DEPRESSION because of THE BAD STUFF which is why I’m SITTING DOWN and the only cure is YOUR MONEY.”
On our flight yesterday we sat behind a 4 year old boy who asked us if we spoke Chinese, told us we MUST go to Singapore, then spent the next four hours farting almost constantly.
Books are so fucking good, man. Huge shoutout to everyone who’s writing ‘em.
Wayne and Garth would have had a damn field day with this one:
Hey @stephenking.bsky.social does it ever piss you off that you spend months - sometimes years - crafting gripping narratives filled with complex characters and rich ideas only to have me read them in like two days?
I always knew this would end in disappointment.
Happy to announce that you can see me in a promo for a teaser for a first look at a web exclusive preview of a behind the scenes sizzle reel of an upcoming Super Bowl ad!! (non-union, unpaid)
If you’re a famous white actor and you get the call to do a voice in Ken Burns’s American Revolution, you’re PRAYING it’s for one of the colonists who thought slavery was bad. Tom Hanks doesn’t wanna be in a VO booth saying “Liberty is a sacred right - except, of course, in the case of the African…”
Searching the Epstein files database for the phrase “buried treasure” 🤞
One of the best things about the protest I went to was all the cool teens there. Little punks with skateboards wearing huge pants and homemade “FUCK ICE” t-shirts. I asked them “Hey chat, is Trump unc?” and they beat my ass.
Is it fun to promote a show right now? NO! But do I feel more grateful than ever for the communal experience of shared laughter that only live comedy can provide? YES!
Shaun Diston and I start our new two-prov show tomorrow, 1/28 at 7:00pm @ UCB LA with Cook County Social Club. Live & Livestreamed!
It’s too bad Antifa is not the coordinated organization they claim it is because I remain ready to join.
Hey I know I look like a narc but I swear I really wanna know: where’s the protest tomorrow LA? DM me. Fuck ICE.
