Devin Field

It’s too bad Antifa is not the coordinated organization they claim it is because I remain ready to join.

Hey I know I look like a narc but I swear I really wanna know: where’s the protest tomorrow LA? DM me. Fuck ICE.

ME (WET HAIR, LOUD SUIT, LOUDER VOICE): Have YOU been SNUBBED by the MOTION PICTURE ACADEMY?! I will GET YOU PAID!

Gmail has this awesome new feature where it automatically writes me summaries of my emails that are completely incorrect and then suggests I reply to said emails with the stupidest sentences I've ever read!

It’s scary to think about the quality of history education in American schools. Do kids today even know to whistle while they work, Hitler is a jerk, Mussolini pulled his weenie now it doesn’t work?

When mom says no dessert until you finish your veggies

watched a TikTok comp captioned “30 Rock is so unserious” YEAH THAT’S THE POINT

Can’t explain it, but just cracked up at the idea that Romeo and Juliet are Italian.

OK, enough fucking around: time to start my Christmas shopping.

I’d bet good money that a big part of Trump’s decision to start a new forever war in Venezuela was that Maduro kinda looks like Saddam Hussein and he got confused.

You think I’m happy that the guy from Shark Tank is good at acting? You think I’m glad that a right wing money ghoul turns in one of the better supporting performances of the year? No, but cinema isn’t fair. That’s why Jared Leto has an Oscar.

If they’d let me decide who survived the Stranger Things finale:

In the end, it was about the Things we made Stranger along the way.

Not sure why I’m not hearing more about how good The Testament of Ann Lee is - guess I’m one of the few allies willing to speak up for women in film 😏

Stranger Things is mostly planning.

I’m spending Christmas Eve as I always do: sitting in the dark with a shotgun, waiting up for the Grinch.

Joan’s on Third

hey fuck you

ciabatta

Tonight I did one of the straightest things a man can do: ate a chicken salad sandwich alone in my Camry before my improv show.

THIS HOT SHOW IS NEXT WEEK
It’s the last 2 Is The Magic Number of the year, folks
And what a lineup
Live and live streamed
GET TIX: ucbcomedy.com/show/2-is-th...

The absolute dead silence from the audience to Altman's "punchline" - the wording of which he completely butchers - gives me hope.

There's a guy I drive past on my commute most days who is always speed-walking while reading a 400 page hardcover book, and whenever I see him I know in my heart that I am capable of murder.

Mia Goth’s name sounds like the answer to an accusation.

Fire AND ash??? You crazy for this one, JC!

Tidal users, today is your day to be smug. Keep replying to everyone's stories with an all caps "I ACTUALLY USE TIDAL" until your fingers bleed.

So how was everyone's weekend? 🙂

Excited to see how my coworkers react to all my new cosmetic surgery!

Seeing a lot of fucking losers online roasting Claire Danes for… what, exactly? Acting her damn ass of? Carrying an entire series with her commitment and emotional authenticity? Locking down another Emmy nomination? Fuck off.

home alone with my son for the first time this weekend