Anyway rant over, I think i just have a constant chance right now to think the wrong thing and feel like I should drive my life into the ground.

Not that I actually will but the idea that it's an option feels like more control than anything else so it's a little comforting.

I just can't image a world where I don't care, where I just have the space to be only happy for her.

I'll get better, I know I will, but trying to accept that feels like accepting a part of me is dying first, before the rest. I guess I'll have to figure out how to deal with that as it happens.

I just don't know what to do when it all dries over. Rationally I know I'll have to stop caring one day, you just can't function like this.

But those parts of me are real right now, if i get better it means I lose them.

Rationalising to myself that inevitably, one day I'll feel okay about everything is kinda scary. Right now I still feel sick about it whenever I spend too long thinking about it.

That sick feeling is part of me, packing the gaps in my sense of self.

Ah,

You gotta be really careful when putting some of your self worth in how somebody else views you, this shit makes me want to smoke

I mean she's kinda right i am planning to date this one kinda guy i know

Let's find someone to hate for next year

Mwah ❤️

Awwww!

Please don't, I love you too much

Anyways, sorry about heavy stuff, I will try and figure out why I feel alone despite having incredible friends 👍👍👍

Hell, the reason I'm able to be more open on here than I am on call is in part because there's a chance nobody will ever read what I'm typing. It's almost like I can use the belief that my friends don't care about me to my benefit(?)

I already feel like I can be emotionally draining/demanding to talk to so it makes it difficult to reach out to others because I don't want my insecurities to be a point of stress for others, which feels kind of ironic due to some of my more stressed "episodes".

Sometimes I just feel so isolated and alone I can't breathe, even when I'm around people, so that kinda sucks because I truly can't think of a way for it to be solved apart from me just getting over it?

The juice that makes you think people hate you. Not on yall to sort with I'm trying to get better about it.

I literally don't think I could that shit would not be good for me

Sorry I thought it would be funny and was having what I could best describe as an episode I drank the juice that makes you panic attack

I don't think any of my friends have interacted with any of my posts on here so I gotta start lowering their me tolerance by not talking to them for 6 months straight.

When they find my account I'll be remembered for this one, even if I want appreciated in my time.

Thank god my suicidal thoughts also got ADHD these bitches don't have the spoons.

On god thought this was about love death and robots.

Beefing w/ lesbians this pride month, next one I'll double support them but arcane s2 was not very good compared to what could have been.

I deeply appreciate my friends telling me to "Minecraft" myself or just receiving anger from them in any way, because it proves that they are fine to say it to me but chose not to.

Anyway if studying w/ adhd is something you wanna talk about or get some advice with feel free to lmk.

That neurodiversity will affect people differently so just because one strategy doesn't work for you, doesn't mean nothing will, nor that you don't have adhd.

Right now you don't know, but even if you didn't it doesn't mean you're not dealing with a problem. I'd say it's safe to assume imo.

Yeah adhd is directly tied to reward systems and the way your brain motivates you to do things. It's tough to study with adhd, and if medication isn't on the table then it's even tougher.

There are for sure ways to cope w/ it and there's a lot of online resources but it's also important to remember

We're smoking depressive episode pack once more

understood ggwp