Chris Ashworth-Bennion

A letter to viz on why we should be removing British objects from people’s rectums, not foreign ones

I ❤️ Viz

Oh, put a wasp nest up your arse.

Lecornu

A sensational job for someone

"I'd have to say The Best of Terrry Pratchett."

Here We Go set to return for fourth series with a special festive episode also confirmed The Jessops will be back to navigate more everyday family (mis)fortunes in series 4 of the hit comedy

If you've not watched Here We Go, you should watch Here We Go. Just delightful telly — and feels like a show that's ready for its breakthrough moment.
www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/...

As I wrote, relatively complimentarily, about Music, Money & Mayhem last week, it's only fair that I highlight this

Lecornu

Playwright brings Bala’s infamous outlaw to the stage in Mold This November, The Red Rogue of Bala bursts onto the stage at Theatr Clwyd.

It's less than a month till my debut play opens at Theatr Clwyd. As if that could be any more of a dream come true - look mum, I'm in the local paper! www.leaderlive.co.uk/news/2550578...

Playwright brings Bala’s infamous outlaw to the stage in Mold This November, The Red Rogue of Bala bursts onto the stage at Theatr Clwyd.

It's less than a month till my debut play opens at Theatr Clwyd. As if that could be any more of a dream come true - look mum, I'm in the local paper! www.leaderlive.co.uk/news/2550578...

A printed poem which reads: I hav for breakfast Weetabix I hav for lunch some meat I have for tea 2 sosajis and thats enuf to eat Peter Hazel, 5

On National Poetry Day, the greatest poem I have ever read

Done

YES

Strictly Come Dancing 2025 live: Follow tonight's show with our critic It’s hard to imagine how Strictly Come Dancing 2025 could begin under a darker cloud than last year’s edition, and yet… After 2024’s annus horribilis (Giovanni Pernice, Amanda...

Watching Strictly tonight? Watch it with me! www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/strictl...

The best Welsh plays: an alternative syllabus There's never been a Welsh play as a GCSE set text. Gary Owen, Seiriol Davies, Owen Sheers, Francesca Goodridge, Tim Price and more have some suggestions....

As a special treat - and to a say a big thank you / diolch yn fawr iawn to everyone who contributed to this list of brilliant Welsh plays - today's piece is paywall-free and free to read!

1817 map snipping, "Well. Well. Well."

Look what we have here then.

Life Lines is back on Radio 4/BBC Sounds. There's nothing like it. It's pull-over-to-the-side-of-the-road radio drama. May it run and run.

Slow Horses season 5 brings back the best group of characters on TV – review The Apple TV+ favourite returns with superb performances and a script that’s as sharp as ever. The only thing it needs is more River Cartwright

My review of Slow Horses season 5 for The Independent. It's the worst series yet, while still being better than 95% of all other television produced at the moment. And so much Roddy Ho. Too much? Yes. www.independent.co.uk/arts-enterta...

You say Tylenol, but all I hear is

Slow Horses season 5 brings back the best group of characters on TV – review The Apple TV+ favourite returns with superb performances and a script that’s as sharp as ever. The only thing it needs is more River Cartwright

My review of Slow Horses season 5 for The Independent. It's the worst series yet, while still being better than 95% of all other television produced at the moment. And so much Roddy Ho. Too much? Yes. www.independent.co.uk/arts-enterta...

Steve Coogan in The Bureau on The Day Today: "I'm closing the bureau ... for an hour!"

"I'm cancelling your show ... for a week!"

Kimmel fixed it

Breaking news: Thirty-one journalists were killed in Israeli airstrikes on a newspaper complex in Yemen last week, according to a new report by the Committee to Protect Journalists.

They say it was “the deadliest strike on journalists in the Middle East.”

Quite right too

Batman’s aff his nut Have you seen the way he cuts aboot Dressed up as a mad fuckin bat Batterin guys I was lit at: “Mate, I’m worried aboot ye I know your ma and da died But everybody’s ma and da dies And we’re no aw runnin aboot Hookin muggers and Kickin psychopaths in the baws.” And that was when Batman went “Aye, but do ye ever feel like it? Do you ever look at the world and feel like it? Like having a big mad base under your hoose? Do you ever feel like drivin a big mad motor that turns intae a tank? And leatherin fuck oot of guys aw night? Scarin the fuckin shite oot of them?” And that’s when I was lit at: “Aye. Fuck it. Ah dae.” And that’s the Secret Origin of Robin And everyone else.

And this is Batman's Aff His Nut by Robert Florence, which, in my opinion, is easily the greatest Scottish poem ever written about Batman...

And you can tell everybody
This is Your Party
It may be quite simple, but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
If we cancel your direct debit

The involvement of the Downing Street press operation in this is genuinely shameful. Someone present should use their question to grill the PM on this, on camera.

Many US Comedians will have plenty to say about this, right after they return from the Riyadh Comedy Festival

I love London so much. So much.

Did you know that London has the lowest level of ethnic violence of any city of comparable size in the world?

Multiculturalism has in fact worked here. They just don’t want it to be true because we happen to have a Muslim mayor.

This is very bad