Turns out burnout’s fucking wild and complex and so much more massive than I ever thought, given I knew for years I had burnout but thought it was general overwhelm. I don’t believe we societally fully understand burnout or even use the term correctly, but from my experience it fucking sucks lmao
I feel like I’m making progress and am starting to consider the idea of gently returning not to life as it was (that won’t ever happen) or even life as a whole, but little parts of life outside a comfy recovery nest. Who knows what that’ll look like, or if it’ll be soon, but I’ll figure it out.
I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to feel safe in myself, happy, regulated, and closer to whole again, but it’s helpful to consider how far I’ve come, and that I’m so significantly more at ease or better with listening to my nervous system after years of ignoring it to simply fight through;
If it wasn’t obvious, I feel reflective this morning and also feel somewhat accepting of all of this: writing about it all outside of the pages of my journal appears helpful, as does the fact I have a yoga class this morning where the prevailing mantra is “you have no one to be but yourself.”
and then where work precluded that, my professional accomplishments—which I’ve recently felt has become counterproductive as I’ve become aware I’m doing too much, using too much energy, and allowing myself to be guided by a drive that resulted in my burning out so spectacularly.
It’s interesting, because I told myself at the start of this the primary objective of my recovery is to rest, yet recently have found the old urges to fill my time and be “productive”—a very long-held self-belief is that my self-worth is almost exclusively derived from my creative output,
I’ve read 22 books since the start of 2026, which has been a joy, have started painting again after about a decade’s absence (and significant fear), have made a model trebuchet, Japanese book nook diorama, a Lego record player, and willow bird feeder, and have started baking delicious sweet treats.
My cognitive abilities have returned for the most part and I have more energy, though I’m largely still exhausted; I’ve returned to my body in ways I’d long forgotten, through gentle running and weightlifting, and (for the very first time) yoga, which has been incredibly helpful in so many ways.
I feel generally happier and largely more content—I couldn’t remember the last time I felt either emotion for more than the briefest period—although various core beliefs about myself and hangovers of previous mentalities have been testing those ferlings; I’m calmer and feel safer;
What began as an idea of a simple month’s “break” quickly morphed into an indefinite period of recovery when I realised how dysregulated and traumatised my nervous system was. I don’t know how long this will take, but I’ve definitely been making some improvements:
In short, I was completely fucked: couldn’t function, couldn’t string sentences together, couldn’t remember shit, went into fight/flight/freeze (almost entirely freeze) over the most trivial things, and was in almost every other way completely broken.
If you don’t follow me on Instagram (I presume most of you don’t), I’ve been off work since December after hitting a serious burnout crisis (I had a mental and physical breakdown 💅) after what I could then see was three to four years of increasingly sustained and high-level burnout.
I love how I essentially said “I’m back bitches!” and then haven’t logged into this app since; I’ve found myself in the delicious headspace where I barely care to use social media in lieu of primarily reading books and exploring various crafts other happy potterings.
Hello pal! Back where we started I see
I'm not *not* on board with this, in that case
Were they at least horny leather flip flops?
Wait are WE the monsters??? Hi pal <3
All of this to say, I guess: what's up pals
God damn I miss the glory days of twitter. I think about the sense of community I found between like 2017 and maybe 2022(?) and all those international friends I made; twitter's dead and Insta's obviously just not the same, and I miss those social circles.
I'd forgotten how fucking hard it is to resurrect a neglected social media platform, especially when you never really got into it in the first place.
There’s some really lovely work on there, including some special pieces from the new direction in which my work had been moving before I put my pottery on pause to, well, build a brewery.
I don’t know when I’ll return to making pots, although I know I will at some point. I hope you like them 💕
Surprise!
I finished a number of pots last week that had sat in the brewery office for over a year, and they’re on my revived ceramics webshop—alongside other work that hasn’t been available for about two years—available now for your Christmas shopping perusal.
lilywaite.co.uk/shop
Gonna start tiktoking about it too to really blow it up and make it worse for everyone
Just from my experience over the last few days, I have had so many cis friends who have told me they’ve bought a badge and are doing this (two bought a badge whilst in my flat this evening).
Cause confusion. Make the guidance unworkable. Protect your trans friends.
London brewery folk: does anyone have any good accountant recommendations? I'm in the market for a new, local firm.
Liminal spaces? Beer? Wine? A ferry? This zine's got it all! You should get one!
www.pelliclemag.com/shop/a-place...
En route to BeerX—slept through my alarm so missed my train, then missed the replacement because my Uber driver took the wrong route. Not the best start 🫠🫠🫠
Thanks love
Thanks Emma 💕
Think we’re all sorted but thanks for replying :)
