I can't seem to get dinner on the table before 8 pretty much ever, but I promise you guys this smells real good
opening up Interview With The Vampire and it just says "sorry, but we are moving forward with other vampires at the moment"
Back in the day it was easy to get rid of a letter you didn't want anyone to find: you just threw it in the fireplace. It's much harder now with email because you have to throw your entire computer in the fireplace
Great song.
Shoutout to weather keeping awkward conversations alive
due to current gas prices, i'm gonna need you to get out of my car and into my dreams.
the return of the mac would be a welcome distraction
Alexa, this is all your fault
could someone go pee for me. i don't wanna get up
I'm just one decent laminator away from owning a very convincing licence to kill.
ChatGPT been completely no help in coming up with ideas about how best to redecorate this haunted whale corpse.
At the airport typing contemplatively on my handheld device (a blueberry pop tart)
When all of this is over they need to give the title of Kid Rock to someone new. At the very least
So it's time for more bagels.
I assure you it is not, but can easily be construed to be
On it
Normalize eating a cream cheese bagel in the afternoon.
thinking about inviting a hermit crab to inhabit my skull
Idiot plot
how do you think jesus feels about all these people wearing his murder weapon on their necklaces
I wish my life was as mysterious as one shoe on the side of the highway.
There should be some shit called "Business Jerky" for snacking on during business meetings
90s Captain Ahab: Thar she blows. Thar she blows again.
When the demiurge reviews their creations, I bet they are particularly proud of the potato.
don’t forget to destroy your clocks tonight, walk away from your mortgage, just start driving, you’re free
A two word horror story:
Carpeted kitchen
A Hello to Arms
