Blanket

Idk what happened but RIP

Another NSFW comm for @chocolatebadger.bsky.social !!! Boopidy bopbop WAHOO!

#zangoose

NSFW commission featuring Koma of all Poeple!

Oh MY GOD A REASON TO LIVE

this is probably at least of you on here

thank you so much for these

Having a platform has given me a will to live because i like to believe my art has a genuinely positive impact on peoples lives somehow

Despite everything
Im still me
I will do everything in my power to keep going and to keep trying. Because luckily, im just as stubborn as i am depressed.
Thats all i think about

You dont really know how theyre feeling until you look.
I currently dont have plans to do anything suicidal anymore. I just want to live. But i feel so lost.

It feels like im a target right now, in the worst way, im vulnerable, the powers that be want people like me gone, and i think its working. Its a horrible, sinking feeling. To which i can say
Is that while its okay to be a bitch. Also.
Be kind to each other.
Check on the ones you care about.

If anyone wants to help support me, my commissions are open, and theyre 45 dollars.
Thats all i have to plug, idk.

I just thought id get that out of the way. Im sorry for being so behind. I feel like i havent been doing enough. Its eating me alive everyday. Im really sorry.

So just
Bare with me i guess.
I know over the years, ive been all kinds of things to everyone around me. Good, bad, and ugly.
Im sorry to anyone ive hurt, and its like, if i ever were to do something to myself i dont want anyone to think its their fault because it would only be mine.

I HAVE TO LIVE.

These suicidal thoughts have become a regular, daily occurrence.
Im so scared.
I need reasons to keep going. I have to keep going, I have to. I HAVE TO.

I dont wanna die. i wanna keep living, but it feels like im constantly being pulled into the void of darkness. Its a terrible feeling. And in all of my years of having depression its been stronger and louder than ever before. I dont know what im going to do.

My life has become so dark. Ive lost so much. I can barely get my comms or adopts ready to share and do my business work because life has become so.. exhausting.
Im tired.
And im scared.
Im both, and, I really hope I dont do something stupid because of it. If not at all.

Who’s been working hard to keep me… alive. Because ive felt very ready to go lately.
But.
I keep trying anyways. Because i want to believe someday, even if its a while from now.. things will make sense again. Someday i’ll be able to relax peacefully.

Im thankful for all my friends, everyone who’s kept me company, people dming me to just check on me, even if my replies have been so slow because im too depressed to talk. People who joined pekozan GX to help support it, as well as my server. And most importantly, @terryzel.bsky.social

All of these things, combined together, and i cant even see my boyfriend everyday. I can only do it a couple of times a year, and i just dont think i can take it. Ive been having suicidal thoughts more regularly and im scared that im going to do something bad to myself soon.

And the political climate, has become too much for me to handle. Seeing so many people suffer. Seeing all the evil in the world in rapid succession, constantly being exposed to it no matter what i do. These really are dark times and i dont like it. And i dont always understand it.

I lost someone who i thought was my childhood friend since I was a kid. He hates me, oh so much. And he hates everyone i love. And i cant begin to describe how much its hurt me, how much ive cried. All the pain ive felt from it. And to feel like youve been lied to for years. A horrible feeling.

Ive been at a loss of what to do with my life since December. A decade long era of my existence online came to an end, i had the lore, the ocs, everything id ever need, and i dont have enough time to explain why its all gone, but its gone, and it cant come back.

[CW: Suicide]
My depression is less of something that just comes and goes and is has been considered a mental disorder. I was born with it. Everyday, im depressed. Its normal to me. But lately. Its been worse than ever before.

Gonna put a content warning on this post because its kinda dark, i may be oversharing too. Im not a fan of bad vibes. But I’m going to be real with you. I havent been able to deliver the content i usually do because I havent been doing well lately. (More below)

I remember as a child in school i was always told that the government was designed to keep everything under control, that the world was just, and fair.

Its funny how things turn out.

Rumor: A Nintendo Direct Will Most Likely Happen Sometime This Year According to an Insider.

Normalise crashing out

Deep down in there, he genuinely meant well, and i think when we lost him we lost something special. I dont feel like i know enough about Michael to fully know but he apparently helped make music for sonic 3 and knuckles so hes chill in my book.