Doctor Crusher’s Email

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Dr. Selar
Subject: Lt. Barclay

Just give him 10cc’s Inaprovaline and send him on his way. He doesn’t have spine mites… this time.

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: All Hands
Subject: Holodeck Safety

Holodeck safety protocols exist for a reason. There are some appendages your talented sickbay team simply can’t reattach.

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Guinan
Subject: Menu Clarification

Guinan,
You might need to clarify a “Singapore Sling” is, in fact, a cocktail. I’ve had four patients with mild sprains and light contusions after your “Ten Forward Tiki” event last night.

Also, can I borrow the recipe?

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Lt. Commander Data
Subject: Database Access

Data,
Would you please restrict Lt. Barclay’s medical database access to “Pediatric First Aid” only? Thanks!

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Subject: Aunt Adele’s Hot Toddy

That toddy of yours didn’t do shit, so I substituted the milk with bourbon.
Free later?

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Medical Staff
Subject: ICU Playlist

Please note the song “Staying Alive” is not an appropriate addition to the ICU’s ambient playlist.

Thanks, Dr C

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Lt. Alyssa Ogawa
Subject: Missing Medical Kit

Alyssa,
Have you seen my backup medkit? It’s labeled BCMJ420.

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Cmdr. Riker
Subject: Beard Oil Allergy Confirmed

Will-
Your beard is majestic. It’s made at least 12 separate species across the galaxy swoon with lust and envy. 

It’s also mildly toxic to three members of the crew.
CHANGE BRANDS.

-BC

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: REPLY ALL
Subject: Re: See a Green Glow?

Correction: the previous message should read “…handle the matter personally.” I will personally handy all anaphasic lifeforms detected aboard.

Thank you, Counselor Troi, for spotting this LCARS auto-correct.

-Doctor C

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: All Hands 
Subject: See a Green Glow?

*ALL CREW*

Any anaphasic lifeforms detected aboard the Enterprise are to be reported to the Chief Medical Officer directly, who will candle the matter personally.

-Beverly Crusher, MD, Chief Medical Officer, USS Enterprise

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Ensign Ro Laren
Subject: Limp

I appreciate your self-diagnosis of “general badassery,” Ensign. However, that limp says otherwise. Report to sickbay.

-Doctor Crusher

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Lt. Worf
Subject: Sickbay Supplies

Worf,

Why is there a phaser stored in my crash cart?

Thx, Dr C

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Subject: This Mornng

I think I left my combadge in your quarters.

From: CMO Beverly Crusher, MD
To: Cmdr. William Riker
Subject: Holodeck “Therapy”

Will-

I checked the holodeck logs. That program does not qualify as physical therapy. Please see Nurse Ogawa asap.

Thx, Bev