You could also do duct tape in the toilet bowl.
Not to brag but I just won $7 playing craps at Park MGM 😂😂😂
Lady, I'm glad you figured out which STD is the least worst but I still don't think you should infect yourself.
Fontainebleau found the eyeglasses I lost in the casino last night so that’s one win on this trip I guess.
mike tyson's full name is mike thank you son
Here we go again!
Olympics are fine but nothing beats the thrill of watching the map with the little car carrying my pizza
Ok so I officially forgive Bad Bunny for the time he and his crew rolled into Delilah at Wynn Las Vegas and messed up my 8 PM reservation. 😂😂😂
Forgot about these beauties from our 2001 ski trip to Cortina. We drank hot wine from them in the town square during a celebration for the World Cup women’s downhill winners.
I love it when people cancel plans with me so I can both bemoan my abandonment and not have to go out at the same time.
Due to high call volume, your ear may hurt
Look I can offer you awkward silence or awkward conversation the choice is yours
I'm Kat Abughazaleh and I approve this message.
A melania screening sounds like something health insurance covers under preventative care.
The worst thing about scientists moving the hands of the doomsday clock forward is having to adjust the time on the doomsday clock in your car.
This last one was a doozy.
Dang it.
Is there a line? I’m not going unless there’s a line.
STUDENT TEACHER: okay class, who knows what an oxymoron is
KID: you’re an oxymoron
STUDENT TEACHER: well yes technically that is correct
Greetings from Aspen.
every seat in a movie theater should have an "I have to pee" button and if enough people press it they should be able to pause the movie
To the tune of “The Sign”
🎵 I saw the goat
at the Watermark
I saw the goat 🎵
His majesty will grant you an audience now.
I once walked up to a craps table at the Mirage and found Ray Romano was playing. He said “Nice roll” to me after I won him some money. I think it was a $10 table.
My New Years resolution is to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.
próspero año y no money down
if tumblr dies I need this video to make it's seasonal rotation here instead just in case, Happy holidays 🎄
I’m at the combination Pizza Hut and Kennedy Center.
