PJ Harvey Dent

My wife's a WASP whose family has been in the US since the 1600s. I'm a Balkan Slav whose people came over around 1910. Even filtered through generations of Americanization, the differences between how we process feelings are /sharp/.

Just wait 'til the Xenomorph learns your playstyle.

[We see a close up of a young white male, tanned, white teeth, coiffed hair clearly an influencer on social media. It is an image such as you see when social media posts are shown on the news. In the corner of the screen is named a location: DUBAI. He is staring slightly off-camera for several silent panels of the comic strip. His eyes move slightly. He is having a thought.] From off-screen a newsreader’s commentary comes: NEWSREADER: Extraordinary images here of an expat in Dubai [The influencer’s eybrows raise slightly] …Having their first ever geopolitical thought. [CUT TO a BBC news scene. The BBC newsreader CLIVE MYRIE is talking to an interviewee next to the screen showing the social media influencer’s face. The interviewee’s name is David Jones]. CLIVE MYRIE: To explain the significance of this moment we’re joined by David Jones, our Expat Thoughts correspondent DAVID JONES: Clive, this is momentous It was caught on film at the end of an Instagram post titled: ‘Dubai Is Brilliant’. [Pointing at the screen, the influencer’s expression still the same] You can clearly see in the eyebrows here, the dawning realisation that there *might* be something in the world beyond his dickhead self. It marks a *huge* departure from all the Dubai Expat’s previous thoughts. CLIVE MYRIE: Which are…? DAVID JONES: You've Got To Get Yourself Out Here Mate, Everything Is So Clean, I Don't Have To Pay Taxes, I Am Incurious As To Why I Do Not Have To Pay Taxes, and Spa. CLIVE MYRIE: And might we see an expansion of these new Thoughts in coming days? DAVID JONES: I think we can expect to see: “I Deserve To Be Airlifted By A Country I Pay No Tax To” CLIVE MYRIE: Mmm. [Ends]

HUH. So it was a test mule? That rules.

First car I ever bought with my own money. Thing whipped. It had the only aftermarket Ziebart sunroof ever installed in a car that didn't leak.

Look at it. It's perfect. The most perfect truck to ever exist.

*pounds fist on desk*
RAN
GER
RAN
GER

I don't know why it sticks in my head, but I remember your mom driving that thing on a school field trip with Mrs. Mathur riding shotgun. I want to say that was third grade, maybe?

I tell you what, hammer down on a long, straight, flat Wayne County road at midnight with either dark forests or open pasture on either side of you is as close to god as I've ever been. Shit, just writing that and I can feel it.

It's real good. I bought mine as-is off a dealer lot about two weeks after it was traded in. 138K on the clock and it had been /meticulously/ cared for. It's in phenomenal shape. I'm kinda thinking of upspeccing it by pulling fancier parts out of wrecks at the junkyard as a summer project.

Whatever happened to that five-speed Aerostar your mom had? I'm surprised you didn't end up with it.

Hahahahahahaha. Hell yeah.

I mean, mine was that '79 Cadillac. 20 feet long if it was an inch, and that was /after/ Cadillac had downsized from the previous generation! Taught me more about sailing and navigation than it did driving, and it ate up those rural north-central Ohio back roads.

Kate, no. Not Andre. His poor back!

Those first three are stone-cold bangers.

The Buick is my current car, which I had to buy after Detroit ate two Kia Souls back to back. It absolutely rips. Turbo, AWD wagon with loads of options and a glass roof. Goes like stink, too.

That's the spirit.

That truck is a helluva good way to start your driving career.

Still, a Fiero. I'd like to own one someday. I was obsessed with those things as a kid. I even wrote a /song/ about them.

Oh, and a /very/ aspirational spoiler. Power moonroof, too. That car whipped. I liked it so much I put a new (to me) engine in it in 2015 after the timing belt broke and mulched the valvetrain on the Ohio Turnpike at the end of 2014. Both the Saturns I owned were great cars, in fact.

WHAT YEAR/MODEL FIERO THIS IS IMPORTANT

God, that Cadillac was a hell of a car. It was my first car and I miss it every day. I still carry the keys, and it went to the crusher 30 years ago. I dream about it at least once a month.

I can't remember the specific model and the Saturn wiki page wasn't loading. I wanna say it was an S200? Mid-spec sedan. Black leather interior with wood trim, power seats, windows, locks, and an upmarket stereo.

Introduce yourself with 5 cars you've owned

1979 Cadillac Sedan DeVille
1990 Dodge Daytona
1985 Honda Accord
2003 Saturn Saturn
2018 Buick Regal TourX

That's the spirit.

Goddammit, you beat me to it.

Oh, yeah. Those bang, too. I /love/ those books.

Gosh. Uh... Hi, Willow! I'm def paying attention now.

See! You get it!

Shit, I still remember how big a deal was when we got a Bob Evans in my rural central-Ohio hometown. That was in, like, 1989.