Cody Walker

WELCOME TO THE TURNER CLASSIC
MOVIE CHANNEL!
NEXT UP?
MORBIUS

Big fan of whichever cat invented the "meow" that shit slaps

Dripped up pettin' mad kitties
(they r mad bc they do not want my friendship but imma give'em a lil treat)

DEAL OR NO DEAL but instead of universal healthcare it's #Greenland for some fuckin reason

NEW YEAR NEW ME
(I am not bettering myself,
I am going to commit identity theft)

Bout to have the demogorgon demogaggin on my shi fr

This year for Christmas I asked Santa for divine retribution

If ur happy n u know it clap ur cheeks

*The year 2060*

Me: AND WE USED TO HAVE 2 DOLLAR MOVIE NIGHTS AT THE THEATERS, FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS USED TO SELL MULTIPLE ITEMS FOR ONLY ONE DOLLAR, RENTING USED TO BE AFFORDABLE!

Children wearing gas masks and UV protection suits: sure, whatever you say grandpa

When I was a teen I turned all my parents alcohol bottles into water.
I was like a reverse Jesus

Start the holidays off right this month by sending people unsigned Christmas cards with no return address that just say
"I KNOW WHAT U DID"

The year is 2070. The crowd watches as a wrinkled old man is covered in angry fire ants and has anteaters eat them off his body.
The crowd erupts into laughter and
I am in utter disbelief.

How the fuck is Steve-o still alive?

So many people put their Instagram handle on their cars now and instead of putting your own I think you should put your enemies I.G. handle on your car and then drive like an asshole

All wheelchair accessible ramps should have a launch pad like Hot Wheels and a loop de loop, let's put the fun back into functionally disabled

Trump delivering his speech on being the reigning throat goat
#trump #clinton

Honestly Trump blowing Clinton is the most surprising thing out of all this because Trump's such a narcissist that the only dick I can imagine him ever sucking is his own

#EpsteinFiles
#trump

Is doing jazz hands racist?
Idk why but it feels kinda
*does jazz hands* racist

WE USED TO GET MAGAZINES WITH COLOGNE IMPRINTED ON THE PAGES AND WE'D RUB THE FOLDS ONTO OUR FLESH TO SMELL SEXY

Using the special move and makin' her cum straight to God?
Call that a clitical hit 🎯💦

*Being MK Ultraed by the
Teletubby Tinky Winkys tummy TV*

"We must collect sacrifices
for the sun baby"

We need Nardwaur to release the Epstein files

READERS DIGEST, ARE YA SHITTIN?!?!

FRONT COVERS GOT BEFORE RACISM MEL GIBSON ON IT, POOP AND LEARN ABOUT BRAVE HEART. IS YOUR CERAMIC BUTT TIME GOING BAD??
WE GOT AN ARTICLE ABOUT I.B.S.
SQUINT AND PINCH AT A CROSSWORD PUZZLE

*Me walking towards someones currently being worn pants with gasoline, a lighter, and a plan to unleash an entirely new turn of phrase*
"Hey buddy so u remember how you're a fuckin liar???"

Panera Bread disregard the cowards and bring back the caffeinated death lemonade I'm tryna bend spacetime

#panera #lemonade #bringback

Me: I give a lil smooch to every package to seal them with a lil bit of love 🥰

Coworker at the chicken packaging plant:
This is why u keep gettin salmonella

Who the hell is out here keepin cottage cheese from extinction???
Who is out here diggin into a big ole bowl of cold wet lumps??

*Tires skidding, SLAMCRASH, wilhelm scream, gavel sound*
HAVE YOU BEEN INJURED IN A CAR ACCIDENT???
WELL THEN CALL ME:
JEFFREY DEFENDANTFUCKER

AM I A LAWYER?

NO

BUT THEY WILL PAY
*Eagle screech*

My knees popping to the beat of the music

Italian mob boss: oh so you attack us for crimes we committed in a quest for vengeance like you're what, some type of punisher?

Frank Castle(currently going as
Bad Guy Getter Man): uhm... Yes, thats- that's exactly what I call myself and have since the beginning I am The Punisher.

*in divorce court*

Husband: yea we just can't agree on who should get the good tupperware, we both paid equally into it so unfortunately we're at an impasse.

Judge: well you know what that means

*Crowd begins cheering*

Judge: bailiff, bring out the sock'em boppers