Poppycock🌸

I’m so moody today.
I don’t know if I need to eat a snickers or a dick.

Make them regret that decision

Yaaaaaasssss!! There are no rules!

Has Rusty Gunter passed over to Bluesky yet?!?!

Get a Brazilian wax,
BUT leave the ass hair..
Like a vagina mullet.
Business in the front,
Party in the rear

Flapjacking is the female equivalent to teabagging

Once again, I am asking you for your validation.

I just took a dna test turns out I’m a mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido..
yeah

Sorry I was part of the problem. It will happen again

Just wait until I get my shit posting mojo back.

How do you find out if you've been put on a list?

I'd like to start a tribute band called The Rising Dead. We're going to play heavy metal versions of all the Grateful Dead songs

Has anyone else noticed that any follow up questions are basically rhetorical?

I'll do whatever you want me to if you just bring me tacos

Before you decide to become a mormon, the whole “latter day” thing has nothing to do with sleeping in.

I wish I could donate my facial hair to my uncle… He’s always wanted a nice thick mustache.

I am my own worst enemy through no fault of my own.

took a nap and had a dream that Mormons delivered cupcakes to my house

A colorful concert tour date lineup for Saxsquatch, the saxophone playing sasquatch. It is a cartoonish image centered on a Sasquatch wearing sunglasses playing a saxophone out in nature accompanied by some green aliens

What if we made out at the Saxsquatch concert on February 27th

Men only use 10% of the microplastics in their balls

You can never have…
too many books
too many laughs
too many hugs

[drinking strawberry milk through a Krazy Straw that's attached to my face like eyeglasses]

Me: Hey man why don't you grow up

To catch a plane you have to think like a plane

My yoga teacher was sent to prison for fraud

He's currently doing a very long stretch

Alexa, blame it on the boogie.

You look like you have irritable bowels

*followed*

the world may never again be as united as it was the year Gangnam Style came out

If we were enemies on Twitter because that one lady told that you weren’t allowed to be my friend, well…I forgive you.

You should dance like nobody is watching, take that trip you’ve always wanted to take, and nap. Nap so much. The more you nap the less time you have to be awake surrounded by the horrors.