Michael T.

Save me from an anal fissure

Freda Payne deserves more recognition. Side 1 of Contact is transcendent.

I prefer silent prayer.

Peet**

As the ultimate smear campaign, I’m thinking of making a Pam Bondi biopic.

Obviously Jessica Chastain is my first choice, but something tells me Amanda Pete or Alison Oliver could also make good Pams. Im open to more suggestions…

I couldn’t agree with this more

v rare that I’m wearing clothes with buttons.

Everyone in America needs to be talking about Pam Bondi right now. Don’t stop until she is either behind bars or rotting in hell.

The sexiest guy came to my door today trying to sell a scammy internet service.

I thought about flirting, but instead I told him to leave my neighbors alone and get the fuck off of my block.

Why am I like this?

Post a banger not in English

Hot dudes get average dicks. No one deserves to be hot AND hung.

It’s ok, buddy…
I wasn’t in the halftime show either.

So who decides then?

How does god decide our penis sizes?

I may have overreacted a little bit..

Found a clip from the TPUSA halftime show.

“Yes, I was in the casita.”

When you make a plan with all of your coworkers to wear PR gear for Bad Bunny day but the GRINGO is the only one to dress up.

The New York Times is going to write a damn op-ed on me.

This album didn’t get the recognition it deserved.

I think cr*ssfit people are obnoxious. Don’t cancel me!

Thinking about the DL guy who used to FaceTime me from his bathroom floor while f*cking himself with the handle of the toilet brush…

Being forced to go to a Pentecostal wedding at the end of the month…
What do I wear??

Was it the Hamm brothers that did it?

I think even Meg Ryan’s character in You’ve Got Mail would agree that Jeffrey Epstein’s email habits were excessive.

I doubt his family has a DNR order for him.

Why did every closeted youth pastor in the 2000s own these shoes?

He should’ve answered the door so we could find out how hairy it is.

the inspo..