Anthonie van Zoeren, MS, LPC-S

I had the privilege of watching people find joy this morning. And all I had to do was first make them cry.
Funny how something is meaningless or out of reach until it's opposite has been held for a while.

This would certainly make for an interesting session at Corvinus Counseling.
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Research shows that continually talking about things that we find annoying or angering only reinforces the nueral pathways we use for anger. "Sitting in it" causes chronic stewing and, ultimately, depression.
Research also indicates that acting on the anger, without doing harm, actually helps.

The reason no one will ever love you the way you want is because it's not their job.

It's yours.

Before you consider yourself a failure, you best be 100 percent sure about what your purpose is. I've never thrown a screwdriver out because it failed to do what pliers are for.

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
(From "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky.)

How does this speak to you?

There's a big difference between failing, failing on purpose, and failing with purpose.

What do you think it is?

Is Friday the 13th Really Unlucky? It is sometimes difficult to accept the randomness of fortune. Here's why.

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-...

A patient who is trying to make up for lost time with one of their children told me today that the child doesn't like to be "talked to like a therapist." It made me think about how many people have to see a therapist to normalize an interaction none of us were meant to be raised without. Thoughts?

How to Have Peace at Your Family Holiday Table This Year The most important tool so many of us need to navigate these holiday gatherings is an emotional rewind button.

How did Thanksgiving go? Did you spend it with family? Was it relaxing or a challenge?
Here's something to help us prepare for the next one, later this month.
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/worr...

Violence against women -- it's a men's issue Domestic violence and sexual abuse are often called "women's issues." But in this bold, blunt talk, Jackson Katz points out that these are intrinsically men's issues -- and shows how these violent beh...

When it comes to violence, oppression, neglect, who wears the label? And who should?

www.ted.com/talks/jackso...

Following the media and social media, it's easy to believe that masculinity is becoming more toxic in the US. The good news is that it's not; we are just beginning to pay closer attention to it. The not-so-good news is that that awareness can normalize toxicity. Thoughts, anyone?

A straightforward way to see if a negative experience is a trauma for you isn't comparing it to the trauma of others but seeing if the experience changed the way you see yourself, others, for the whole world.
A quick assessment can then tell you how severe it is.
Go easy on yourself.

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How to Be Mindful With a Cup of Tea When it's difficult to meditate, you can build moments of mindfulness into the day through simple activities like brewing and enjoying a cup of tea.

For many of us, full-blown mindfulness meditation is difficult to fit into a day. But there are other meditative traditions as well. Feel free to give this a try. And if it helps, look up my friends at Dryad Tea.

www.mindful.org/mindful-cup-...

How trauma informed therapy can help nearly all of us:
Have you ever looked at something you do or don't do through the lens of a learned survival skill?

For example: are you awkward, antisocial, unmotivated, stupid?
Or are you self- sabotaging because you don't know who to be any other way?

One of the biggest things I have had to learn is that in true trauma-focused mental health, a person's problem is always more complex than it seems. Dr. Gabor Maté made the controversial deduction that every addiction is caused by trauma. What suffering do you take blame for, perhaps unnecessarily?

Eye movement is indeed often not necessary, as long as some other type of bilateral stimulation is applied.

EMDR is a treatment, very different from the traditional approaches, that directly targets the limbic system, where trauma survivors hold on to trauma memories. These types of memories are involuntary and focus exclusively on survival, even if that's not necessary.

Cognitive behavioral therapy has a large body of evidence to support effectiveness in addressing cognitions and behaviors associated with mental illness, primarily because that modality is so structured, that it is easy to test.

Still amazed at how a trauma treatment that was considered airy fairy within my lifetime is now an evidence-based practice changing lives in a matter of hours. If anyone would like to know more about EMDR and how it works, drop a comment.