faux casual

Dads, don’t forget to change the stove, microwave, and coffee pot clocks tonight before going to bed.

If you ignore the words ‘per serving’ a share size bag of peanut m&ms is only 160 calories (if you’re looking for some good news today)

norman rockwell's freedom of speech

i do not support the troops because the troops just bombed a school

things every single republican president of your lifetime has done

- started a war in the middle east
- completely destroyed the economy

Ah man, tough crowd 😭

That’s it. I can’t watch anymore.

Gonna have to beat other playoff teams if you want to succeed in the playoffs. Terrible showing today by the brown and marigold so far.

I’ve been working up my angst all offseason in preparation

GODDAMMIT MANNY

/s

What dreams are made of

My cat, Hunter.

Handsome Hunter

ICE just gunned down ANOTHER person, beating a man half to death before shooting him at point blank range. What the fuck are we doing?

ARREST ICE NOW. PROSECUTE ICE NOW.

I will not rest until every single one of these murderers is held accountable to the communities they terrorize.

ICE is now responsible for 66% of the homicides in Minneapolis this year.

We don't have to live like this.

In our name, with our money, ostensibly for oil, but mostly because we have a president who's addicted to power and attention and needs to deflect from being friends with the world’s most famous pedophile. Shame on these fucking monsters who run my country. They need out.

Tonight, the President of the United States has launched an unconstitutional war of aggression, dooming another generation to spill their blood for oil, and lay waste to a sovereign nation.

I demand that Congress exercise its power, halt this conflict, and impeach this war criminal president.

My wife is upset with me because I asked when she thought she might be ready to take down the Christmas decorations in January.

Hoping the slack jaws lighting off these loud ass fireworks and scaring/keeping my kids up go into 2026 with fewer fingers.

Me, excitedly explaining Santa traveling the world to my 4yo using the NORAD Santa tracker

4yo: I’m sorry. I gotta go, dad. Sorry.

Can I file a workers comp claim even though I work from home because I was rushing to pee between calls and walked into the door as I was opening it and exploded my toe, which is now subject to the gnarliest bruising and swelling I’ve ever seen??

Turns out, my wife feeding the children cinnamon rolls at 6am, then leaving for the day would not make for a very quiet, or peaceful morning in the house she left behind.

This is his “pooping myself” face btw

Yup. Scripted.

Well, as we’ve found over the past several years, you can just deny it’s real when the other team wins…

If the dodgers win this, baseball is 100% scripted and nobody should waste another minute on this league.

That’s what I am seeing also

Quitting my job today. The job market is fine, right?

Oof. Not even a quality start or a hit for mlb’s prodigal son.

They said there was a family health scare or something that has made them reevaluate their priorities.

The local, family owned pizza place my family has been going to since the 60s is closing this weekend, and it is so sad. Currently a 5 hour wait for same day pizza. Callum playing the same Ms Pac-Man game I played as a kid.