michael

some say when the moon rises and a cold wind blows you can still hear Kamala Harris promising to move further to the right

25.11.2024 15:50 — 👍 22    🔁 2    💬 0    📌 0

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet???

Because they lactose

25.11.2024 15:05 — 👍 18322    🔁 1803    💬 598    📌 219

Uni ate a whole chicken today?

25.11.2024 13:39 — 👍 30051    🔁 2434    💬 479    📌 105

i cannot believe i missed the vinyl drop of natural born losers i am kicking myself so hard rn 😭

25.11.2024 00:50 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

(waking up with a reverse bear trap on my head)

Jigsaw: I want to play a...

(i start jacking off furiously)

Jigsaw: what the fuck man

me: sorry i just gotta get it out when i wake up or i'm fucked up all day

24.11.2024 01:45 — 👍 87    🔁 10    💬 2    📌 0

Someone got stabbed outside Red Lobster and I’m the only one who saw it

20.11.2024 04:13 — 👍 6    🔁 2    💬 0    📌 0