Day 1 of begging @dropkickmurphys.com to please play Spicy Mchaggis at their Ottawa show πππ
Just once, when a girl scout knocks, I want to open the door dressed as the Cookie Monster and go fucking nuts.
Sorry guys I keep forgetting this place exists
*extremely @cinemasinsofficial.bsky.social voice* they said 'let's have him eating an apple so people will know he's an asshole'
Yayyy
Yayyy you're here
Lol 4 year olds are smarter than we give them credit for π
One of the most traumatic moments in my childhood was learning that piΓ±atas don't come already stuffed with candy
More nightmares probably lol
Lol oh noooo. I use it for everything π€£
Buying these sheets so I can say I Excel in bed
Telling girl friends you're losing weight: that's awesome, you'll feel so much healthier and more confident, etc etc
Telling guy friends you're losing weight: don't lose weight in your tits
Apparently today is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year.
Pretty fitting that today is also inauguration day, the most depressing day of the next 4 years.
Sorry I yelled 'go go gadget boner' at your dick during sexytime but you said you were into foreplay
Work: work from the office, it'll be fun
Also work: here's your new desk, you're missing a chair, a monitor, and your phone doesn't work, good luck!
I've been keto for 24 hours why have I not dropped 60lbs yet this is bullshit π
Me: Why am I single?
Also me:
It's giving post-apocalyptic Zoolander π
Choo fuckin choo ππ€¦πΌββοΈ
And here I am, once again, back on the overthinking express. Choo choo!
You got this bud π I believe in you. Hmu if you need an ear or whatever. You're not alone π
It doesn't have to be the new you. It may be you for a while, but there's a way out of it, you just gotta find it. Lots of treatment options out there, one will eventually click and help lift that heavy grey cloud off you
Christmas trees
Aw π₯Ί what a lil cutie
In the week between Christmas and New Year, pie absolutely counts as adequate breakfast food. Follow me for more nutrition advice π
Sex on a train, call it getting Via Railed
Merry Christmas, friends ππππ
Might just jingle some of the way idk
