✮ Dreamer Tay ✮

Remind me that taking hot pictures for a guy that does not even give a decent reaction is not worth my time wtf am I doing why do I do this. Ugh

The sad reality that no one will text me if I don’t text them first. And it’s been happening my whole life

Why do I want a guy who don’t give two shits about me 😭

Idk man depression is hitting hard rn I just wanna go back to my old ways

i finish a task 🔁 i lay down

This one girl in the discord group of people who go to my school (my new friend group kinda) is really concerning tho. She’s younger tho but she’s posts some really concerning stuff and is posting about all her sh/ Ed issues and won’t get help 😢

Been busy with school, made some friends. Dyed my hair. Struggling a little mentally but I think it’s going pretty well so far for not being in school for years

paulie from the sopranos holding up two fingers and smiling

i am constantly on the verge of tears

One of my fav seasons I’m about to start cult

Hiiiiii

a man in a white shirt is standing in front of a piano . ALT: a man in a white shirt is standing in front of a piano .

me after buying something i didnt need

the amount of likes we get on social media doesn’t determine our worth 🫶🏻

Things like that are so hard

Same honestly my sister just got married and it was amazing she’s 4 years older but still in my heart I feel I’ll never have that.

Okay so the switch 2 has has 2 games coming out that I really wanna play. But I only have the first switch and I don’t wanna buy the new one just for 2 games but I’m so sad cuz I really wanna play them when then come out lol.

One of my courses is terrible and I’m loosing my mind

Everyone drinks or smokes and I don’t fit in. I don’t drink and I don’t smoke anymore and it’s not my scene but I feel sad that I can’t go out and have fun like everyone else my age. Even if I don’t even really like it. I wish I could be more social

Lots of my past friendships have ended because they were prettt shitty to me tho too. Not all of them. But a lot. I never surrounded myself with the best people. But I’m definitely working on myself a lot. And how I react and handle things. So hopfully new relationships will work out better

Doing things with other people and I haven’t heard from them. It makes me feel like I’m jjsy not good enough for that. And I get tired of being the only one she does reach out if the other person is never starting conversations or reaching out after a while.

I’m over analyze or think they are judging me or secretly don’t like me.
In the past I’ve been pretty bad with expecting answers/ replies to fast and my brain will think oh they don’t care about you or don’t wanna talk to you. When really people are busy. But sometimes it’s hard when I see them

I think what’s hard for me is my trauma has really messed up how I think. having bpd ptsd and anxitey all mushed together is hard to deal with and often is it’s worst when trying to make and maintain relationships of any kind. I overthink if sosmone Dosent reply or hasn’t reached out in A while.

At least I’ve made a friend. She’s nice.
I have such a hard time with friends tho and I hope I don’t mess it up. My past friendships often go wrong. Either because I am expecting to much (idk if I am but idk) or I say the wrong things or we just end up butting heads I do genuinely want friends.

I do have to say I’m emotionally and physically exhausted I haven’t been this busy is like over 2 years and I feel like so much. My brain is in overdrive and being so mean to me. But I’m trying so hard to push through and get things done. I can just only do so much a day before I feel sick 😭

Probably not going to have time to post in anything frequently. And that’s okay. Sometimes I wish I could grow a community and a following, but often times I loose motivation and get busy and don’t have the time to be consistent. And I’m telling myself that’s okay.

Started school on Tuesday and damn it’s a lot, but so far I think I’m doing pretty well. It’s all really new and I’m super tired and not used to be so busy but I think it’ll be good to be busy.