James

Nein Nein nine!

Idk - I think as the day nears when we have to sign things, I'm starting to feel very emotional about it all. She'll probably go out and have drinks with her friends and celebrate, whereas I'll probably go back to the flat and sob like an idiot. People keep saying life will get better.
I hope so.

I'd love an off switch and just "be" - total present moment thinking.
I think it's called mindfulness and letting go of attachment.

Yes, I guess she'll wander into my dreams at times.
My other dream was about Sydney, that was nice.

Thank you - god I hope so

I bet - stunning setting, but not so great if you're broke!

Just as I start to move on in the awake world from my horrible new reality, now my dreams constantly feature my former wife, and I wake up in the wee small hours thinking she's here.
This is going to take bloody ages, isn't it?
I never thought my life would be thrown upside down like this.

Would love to - been to San Diego, Catalina Island, and San Pedro, Los Angeles - worked for a cruise line

I love the place - always wanted to stay, particularly love Gloucester, Mass and everything north to Maine, but now? Hmm...I think I'll ride it out.
Only really know the east coast, from Key West to Augusta Maine.

It's probably the most un-Turkish delight you could ever eat!

I'd love some of that now...

When chocolate adverts were simply irresistible...
Here's what I made.

Just a little bit - apparently it's very good!

Bit cheeky….

Thank you very much - yes, I am a sucker for looking back and playing the "coulda woulda shoulda" routine, which doesn't achieve anything except for mental anguish. Right now I'm so shattered with it all, I need to work, live, etc - and I can't find the headspace for reinventing myself just yet.

I can relate - my son is just up the road, but he’s 19 now so I’m lucky if I see him once every 2 weeks.

Thank you - your words really help.

Thanks Steve, right now I'm struggling to see it, but I am sure it's true. I feel like a totally fresh start somewhere else. Did you also feel like things wouldn't get better when you were in the thick of it?

Yes, I think I will eventually move - but when she announced it, I had to get out, find a safe space, and at that point 5 weeks before Christmas, I didnt want to leg it the UK and turn up at Heathrow with two bags to some Air BnB - I think that could have been even more depressing.

It's crushing me, every day. I am trying to adapt to these new reality, but my god it's so bloody hard. I miss her and my old life so much.

I think so - although lots of people have said, "Don't come back to the UK, it's not great, and Farage is lining up..."
It's not just that, it's the cost of living etc, but there is familiarity and language, and that means a lot.

He's 19, so he's moving on, but I couldn't just leg it back to the UK in November, I needed a calm and safe space - and quickly. Not the best neighbourhood, but it was a toxic atmosphere during the time we were together after she had told me.

Is it possible to start a new life in the same place full of a million memories, and just 10 minutes from where your ex lives?
I'm not so sure.
I don't want to run away, but I also don't want to try and build something here when the memories are so emotional.
Maybe that muddy water needs to settle.

Thanks Anna - it all feels quite strange

I keep being told this is the start of life 2.0, and how excited I should be to find myself, to do new things or get in touch with the things I used to enjoy. I've had so much advice - "now it's about you, James" and "just get out there, do this, do that..."
I feel utterly overwhelmed if I'm honest.

Hmm....can you remember the song?

YouTube video by Retro James Welcome to the world of Children's #BBC in the #1980s! #CBBC #ChildrensTv #80s #kidstv

Is it this one?
youtu.be/3049GVOZTYY

Retro James This is not a monetised channel. This is just for historical and entertainment purposes. The videos I make are only for fun. No infringement is intended. If you take issue with any content, please c...

Hi Sam, thanks a lot - is it the BBC one? Not sure if you've seen this link to my YouTube account?
www.youtube.com/@RetroJames7...

That is genius - like Guinness! Good call, Jon.

Great beat for editing - I'm still trying to make my videos interesting for you all, which isn't easy. I try to think what people might like. It's easy to (for eg) "90s drinks" or "90s transport" but I think people like quirky and fun.