Nigel Metheringham

1 [Scene is a GREGGS interior. A lone MAN, the only customer in the shop, is standing at counter] MAN: Please can I have a sausage roll. 2 GREGGS SHOP ASSISTANT: Certainly sir [She pulls a leaver on the panini machine and WOOSH the man disappears through a trapdoor]. Whoosh 3 [The MAN appears through a chute in an underground bunker. A voice from off-scene greets him]: Welcome, friend 4 [We see the voice is of a military-looking resistance COMMANDER with a moustache] COMMANDER: You said "please can I have" instead of “can I get”… So now you're one of us. 5 MAN: W-where am I ...? [We see him looking at a hi tech UNDERGROUND MILITARY BUNKER - it has resistance vibes, and has lots of screens with maps etc] 6 COMMANDER: You've joined the resistance… ...against people saying things all American. 7 COMMANDER: We are an underground network of sleeper agents poised to have a right go at young people the moment they say "mom" or "bangs”. 8 LIEUTENANT [Staring at screen]: Agent 244 has just given a Zoomer in Halifax the “could/couldn't care less" speech, sir COMMANDER: Very good 9 [Show the map of the UK with digital pop ups on it saying ‘GOTTEN’, ‘ZEE’, ‘MATH’ etc COMMANDER: You may have heard our name... We are... 10 COMMANDER: ...the Fight Against New Yankee Pronunciations and Americanisms Corrupting the King's English! 11 [Show the military command center panel. It says on the wall in big metal letters]: F.A.N.Y.P.A.C.K.E. 12 MAN You've called yourselves the 'Fanny Pack' COMMANDER: We didn't spot the acronym [/end]

This took me fucking ages

Some people are developing highly sophisticated ways of keeping their bums warm but I’m lagging behind.

Are other people getting the banner on the top - looks absolutely legit in 2026

It has a lot of questions basically all of which are mandatory. There are issues in there that I don’t have any real opinion on so I am forced to make up an opinion which will pollute your results.

So I have gone for the reasonable response - said fuck em, and walked away

Spent a lot of time finding out when and how much my online Wired subscription would renew.

Finally found it - going up a lot, payment within a week - might have considered if they had been open about it, but sneaking a more expensive renewal through irritates me enough to just chuck it.

York seems to have given up on its old trick of solidly filling up the area around the city with fog - and since I am no longer commuting outside the ring road I don't get to see if there rest of the vale is fog bound

Thats not proper fog - you can see the other side of the road

Grabbed almost the last opportunity to see you as an urchin A - well worth spending most of the day on a cross country train

Have you seen Grace's current show "This is no time to panic"? Obviously wouldn't have seen it at Edinburgh since your shows overlapped.

Anyhow I think you'll find the first song in it quite apt for you as well as Grace

I really cannot emphasize enough how extremely worth your time this entire series is

@ciaraioch has some selkies in her portfolio

Flabbergasted by BBC announcing, as news, that theatres need the annual pantomime to get enough money to get through the rest of the year. This has been the case for decades - pantomimes generally make money, other performances less so.

Got one of those tree things to make the car smell nice

Megyn Kelly is absolutely committed to making everyone regret they ever felt sympathy when Trump went after her.

Thanks Barry!

Sarah is incredible - always fun to see her wrangling your band in the background. Missed her being there on your UK tour.

I'm alternating between "was that ten years ago" and "was that only ten years ago". Time, especially perceived time, is weird

Absolute artistry.

5th internment in the Brexitarium (the especially grotty bit of a Spanish airport departures beyond passport control) this year. Hopefully my flight will turn up

And now I see the typo and can't edit because Lucy has references to it. Just as well I am pretty shameless

If you can't instantly see the errant sick it is obviously "bastard".

Unless I'm annoyed enough that I am having to work in higher levels of the swearing hierarchy

Is it a good read?

It's pretty fucking dire if The Beano knows its (mostly primary school aged) audience will not only see you as a punchline, but also get the joke that you're a gullible bullshitter.

I am so glad - hope to see this new journey on here too

"What's wrong with your wrist?"

"I scrolled to my birth year twice in one day."

It's a Hooloovoo?

https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Hooloovoo

I hope @mgtmccartney.bsky.social has listened to https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002hkw1 to catch up on the mysteries of medical trials...

Looks like it could be one of these https://www.moldex.com/product-category/respiratory-protection/disposable-respirators/airwave/

I still miss those - although nowadays it could give me flashbacks to the daily driving commute to the office (not bothered with that since the pandemic).

Although if you were in a wheelchair neither of those workarounds would likely be sufficient