Facebook thinks all I want to see on Reels are videos of Maine Coon cats and weird skin disorders. They are not wrong.

the new york sewer rats have finally elected a new rat pope

Someone said Happy Mother’s Day to me at a store, and, though I am a mom, it felt a little presumptuous.

Nothing like tight parking in a downtown liquor store parking lot. Survival of the soberest.

I got high then shopped for property insurance online. Adult achievement unlocked?

Son: Are we better off now?

Dad: Well son, mom & dad have both lost their jobs. Our savings are gone, gas & grocery prices are up. We did, however, save you from drag queen story time.

Son: What's that?

Dad: A mythical thing they said was happening in your school, which we can't afford anymore.

There is so little daylight between “let them raise backyard chickens” and “let them eat cake.”

This nation’s pets are carrying such a heavy load right now

No one’s commented on all the manspreading that happens in the Oval Office.

I had to throw out a couple of eggs that were old and now I’m worried about my retirement.

Some don’t even realize they’re actually eating all the faces.

You guys aren’t going to believe this, but today I used a cable from my big box of old cables.

Compartmentalization better be word of the year.

I never in my life would have imagined that I would one day be spending a large amount of my time watching videos of guinea pigs eating.

It’s hard to keep up with the constant evil and stupidity, which is by design. It’s meant to wear us down. Fuck it.

@corybooker.com hello I used to run the Wendy’s Twitter account and I am begging you to let me help you with the dems social media strategy, I will literally do it for free at this point

Just a reminder that executive orders are NOT laws.

Laws are passed by Congress, or by state legislatures.

Executive orders aren't ruled either. Rules are issued by agencies after rulemaking processes, typically things like "notice and comment."

Consult a lawyer before you comply in advance.

Let me welcome my large new audience by telling you how traffic is terrible and how dogs are different from cats, amiright? Can you believe this weather? (Better content to follow)

Took my cat to the vet and he's says "oh, you're a big, fluffy one" then realized later he may have been talking to me. 😆

A 2 panel meme The top panel is James Franco with a noose around his neck with the label “school children “ and the text below it asking, “first time?“ The bottom panel is another man with a noose around his neck with the label “CEOs”.

The priorities of this country are completely immoral and horrific. #UHC

For Christmas I got myself food that wasn’t on discount or generic.

I cut off a cybertruck today and admit to feeling a sense of pride.

American Gothic.

I’m simultaneously happy that I don’t have to spend Thanksgiving with family while also being happy that I have to eat all this cheese by myself.

Bluesky banned Andrew Tate in less than 24 hours.

SMITE!

Anything Rothko

I’ve been judging my ass by a passage in the Marquis de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom and maybe the guy who wrote a long passage about fucking a goat’s nostril isn’t the best go-to on such matters.