🫧

only time I love any me is when that me is phainon

I try to drink all the time to write and I still got nothing. FUUUUUUCK

who am I fucking kidding I can't write no matter how drunk I get 😐😐😐

takes jacket off. puts jacket back on. ta

anyway the thing is everyone has their pov but I know nothing about how mine relates to others and what I WANT is to relate to other people. hsr makes me wish I could do that

I never even learned from my shit high school how to do proper fucking research so I am kinda useless lol I wanna go back to school so badly :( I wanna learn

once again wishing desperately that I could've stayed in college long enough to take that philosophy class in full but I am schizophrenic and schizophrenia ruins everything so. hehe. I guess.

hsr players will be dropouts who wanna be knowledgeable but never got a chance to get formally introduced to any subject so they remain clueless on how and where to begin with anything. they are me

no offence to anyone who did but I wish I had that power

I see "high school nostalgia" stuff on pinterest and I gag, people who enjoyed high school are on another planet to me

sad so I might drink and think about phainon some more

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

love calling people friend like YEAHH you are my pal...

and the time we got scared of ghosts and I nearly fell down her bigass stairway and woulda died cause I was wrapped in a blanket to keep the ghosts away cause we were like 11

it feels like a disservice to her to even bring up what happened in college when she was clearly going thru it. even tho y'all don't even know her name I can't do that. I miss her horribly and when we used to prank call classmates even tho we had caller id lol

actually I was fixing to lie down and then immediately I got a notif for my childhood friend's birthday. I Always miss her and it ended roughly for her with our mutual friends and it's complicated bc I was not even nearly involved but. I might text her tomorrow

this is probably a sign that I should give up but wahhhh I wanna write and be silly and I already drank a good bit so what's some nasty tequila on top of that...

I can't even get drunk right omfg

sad tonight AS ALWAYS...

brain fog really robs you of every fucking hobby and every good thing in your life like I may as well be braindead atp

it's gotten so bad but so has my ocd ❤️ which sounds counterintuitive bc ocd freaks love to clean!!! but not this one <3 I am so freaky about uncleanliness that I do my best to block it out bc if I try to clean I'll die

cat eating trash off my floor I believe... GIRL... I need to clean though.

HE LITERALLYYYYY SAYS IT STRAIGHT UP like why are you all in denial

hate to still use even just priv but man 🙏

I have got to be ok with people thinking I'm an idiot. I am WORKING on it

I get nervous talking anything character-related cause I can't think anymore but it helps to remember what people on ao3 are doing to phaidei❤️

means what I want it to mean.

phainon is so overwhelming I love him too much

I feel like an awful friend cause I can never remember things about people even important things but I can't even remember things about myself so ...