♔﹙ALT - DNI﹚

imnot thinking rationally

been having a flashback for hours

ashamed

why is h/sr like just evil to systems of the world or maybe its just me but i had to close the game after seeing c4storices dragon bcause i introjected thef ucking dragon. like probably not lore wise cause i think theres something goingo nthere but like please

instead of settling to go down a bad route in everything i choose to do. perhaps i just need to give myself a chance. at least once or twice. to see if i can figure things out. and then make my decision

i think i could use a quick break. but i should focus on figuring out what exactly im aiming for today. if i dont know that, i wont succeed. my confidence in myself following up to this wasnt misplaced. i just need to keep using my head and heart

what i need to do emotionally until then is another question. do i need to delve straight into it so i can feel better? or do i need to take a bit of a break and relax for a second because i barely did that yesterday?

i think my issue lies in not fully knowing what im doing. its impossible for me to have confidence in my actions like that
so i think i need to go back to the basics and then everything else will flow, instead of trying to rush it so i can achieve a final product.

i feel bad about it but i really dont think i can lock in rn i need to do something else

i would appreciate it if its still chill

nvm

if the only way i can do this is by suppressing what i want and how i feel. is it truly a choice im making with freedom at all?

can i talk to someone about my # issues the substance abuse ones

why do i have to be good
why cant i just do this

im tired of wanting to get better all the time

do i have to get it out of my system

its just as easy as not doing that right

lowkey im taking a break from my essay shit and feeling kind of sad

i understand why they invented satan and the like because the mental illness really feels like someones trying to possess me

vm.tiktok.com/ZNdKYyX8j/

entj 3w4 and isfp 1w2 best friends

read the passive sui/cidality article cause best friend called me tbe "passive sui/cidality king" and it listed shit you may think and i was like okay

wishing you were never born. i dont explictly wish i wasnt born. but i often feel recently that i just never asked to be born. not at all

// alcohol, substance abuse mention

things my best friend said to me about my feelings that are sticking with me

// substance abuse, alcohol

i am banning myself from drinking past being tipsy - soft drunk because i am genuinely kind of scared of what came over me last time and i think that fear is based in reality

me when im actually depressed and like i cant just lock in to fix my issues

im at my limit so this makes sense. i just become fcking jnonchalant and like idgaf about nothing ig

3 disintegrating to 9

i just want two seconds where life has good vibes.

genuinely idk sometimes life just has fucking bad vibes. like god