Tiny Businessman

Toby Maguire was in The Mask???

Was he in that movie? I wasn't able to see over the seats at the theater so I wouldn't know.

Pervert trans sex killed my dad. He deserved it but still 😞

*To the tune of "Baby it's Cold Outside"*

"I really can't stay
Baby, it's cold outside
I've got to go away
Baby, it's cold outside
This evening has been
Hoping that you'd drop in
So, very nice
I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice"

All of the adult material I watched regarding places of businesses greatly deceived me to what this job would entail. I have seen zero penises on the premises besides my own! This is outrageous!

Sometimes you just decide to say something at the end of year meeting that makes everyone remember your presence in the world. Usually it's not a good thing but still it's nice to be acknowledged.

My mammaries are too small to produce a profitable amount of fluid 😞

I can assure you that I, Tiny Businessman, have zero ulterior motives for sucking up to someone

They changed the icon of this butterfly on my phone to a slightly darker shade of blue. This is unacceptable

Explains why 🇺🇸 is at war with them I suppose

What do flags mean? Like to the pretty colors connotate to something? Is 🇺🇸 like telling me your a part of a group? thought you just liked the colors. Is 🏳️‍⚧️ a state?

This germ is kicking my behind. Send help immediately. If I die I give all I own to my hypothetical wife and my very literal child

Can we arrest the weather? It should be illegal to be this cold

Came into work today to discover the day old rice I had left in the fridge had been fried with shrimp without my knowledge or consent. I blame the Wok

This workers strike was hard fought, but we came out on top!
- Worse Hours
- Lower Pay
- Bossman will only punch one woman a day
- The Bomb labeled "Bomb to kill those union fucks" has been relocated from the break room to the union headquarters
Overall a major win for the rights of us little guys!

Someone died in the office again. I'm so over it honestly, it's like, Halloween was a week ago man, get over yourself 🙄

Takes a while but statistically some of them might end up being chicks

I've recently gotten a wonderful part time internship of watching someone less qualified than I performing my job worse than I would while I know the answers but may never speak up.
It's great for my portfolio and not much else!

For Halloween I'm dressed up as a businessman of average height. It's exilerating!

I finally get it...

What's the password?

That's not very nice :[

Someone in the office is taking poison damage. I'm not sure who, but I keep hearing the tick everytime it damages them. If they don't find an antidote soon we're gonna have to deal with another dead guy in the office 🙄

Heart too small to fit ethical dilemmas and business jargon and unfortunately jargon is needed to live 😞

If there's anyone here who knows ethics, would it be permissible to kill a coworker if you really wanted to? And I mean like, it would make you really happy. Is that allowed? I'm honestly unsure...

If a me screams in the office but no one is around to hear it.

Please don't lift me it's a violation of my right to not be lifted 🥺

I'm out of ideas to post. I'm small, whatever. Buy my cryptocurrency.

Bug as a snug in a lug (nut)

Timothy Burton invented Nightmares before Christmas in order to allow well meaning white women to dress in comfy X-Mas sweaters before they were socially acceptable.