o homem do cavalo

Walmart "associate" asked who I was -- In a brilliant display of grandeur, we begun his decomposition. a delight benign betwixt amiss the aisles. Not every bluevest can be trusted. A cautionary tale

Creating a new type of salad dressing called Earl dressing thats magenta and tastes really bad

I will clone myself a hundreds of times so that I can perform the Earl flashmob

i heard congress passed a new Boogers law

Thirsty

Put me down like a dog If I ever start one of those YouTube channels where I’m building crazy ass houses out of sticks and mud and other types of forest glop

if tails flies around using his tails then they should start calling me "Penises"

everyone talking about the big red button that activates the missiles but nobody is talking about the big green button that activates the boogers

me watching youtube shorts: a ha ha!!!! sorting algorithms are so intriguing!!!!!!!!

my punk rock dog: i fucking hate institutions

i played peggle in real life by firing metal balls at people on the sidewalk and demolishing their sternums

Starting a brand of wine called earls wine flavored wine

The Tagline at the end of every commercial: watergate was some crazy shit, right guys?

I tried to construct a robot that would help humanity flourish but it somehow learned how to feel rage and kicked a little boy named Colby into the air so hard that he blasted the fuck off like team rocket

I tried to get a slurpee without paying and the cashier pressed the button that releases the humongous spider

i like that one Lil Uzi Vert song that goes Wa Wa, Wa Wawawawawawa Wa Wa

this is my first time so dont make fun of me. please dont make fun of me guys. Ok thanks guys

i have five dads, one for each element that holds this universe together

Feeling GLAM

I had a vision that the sun opened like a door and out of the sun shaped passageway spilt a million zillion video games cartridges, a wellspring of gaming potential

*hits big red “reverse Donald Trump’s gravity” button so that he falls into the sky* aha ha ha 😈

Among all off brand cola’s there is a final secret one that you can only access at the supermarket via a top secret code and it’s called Professor Poub

if I was in JoJo my stand would be RuPaul and instead of punching or stopping time she would “spill” the “tea” and “snatch” the “wig” if you know what I mean

Just bought a book full of iconic and humorous quotes from the CrazyRussianHacker

Yo mama so bird that she lay eggs and flies

I was watching the X factor and Simon cowell just opened his mouth and inhaled the child singer like Kirby

Breaking news Harambe the goelilla boarded a space ship and flew that fucker straight into the mother effing sun

I will set up a person sized mouse trap and instead of cheese I will arm it with a tariffs so that I may catch and exterminate yucky trump

Some woman at the gas station told me that she thinks James Baldwin’s writing is “dumb” and “gay” so I compacted her into a fucking cube like some shit straight out of Wall-E

Challenging toxic gender norms by naming my male son “poop”

I will save the world by trapping yucky trump in a time loop crystal where he will relive the same rally for all eternity